Sabbatical
by Katraa
Summary: Yuan and Kratos win a free trip to a casino! But some wierd guests might ruin the fun. [New Feb. 5] [Randomness contiunes] [Odd? maybe...]
1. Chapter 1

Two days later and one bagel short. Pure Randomness at it's best. And since I was going to go to the casino later I decided, hey! Let's write a story about Yuan and Kratos road tripping to Mohegan Sun. But first they have to get there. So enjoy this road tripping, car hitting, gambling addiction, side-splitting drunken story. Was that too many adjectives? Erm and I'd like to thank Andrea and Michelle for helping me with this idea. Kutos and have a taco. Yes they love tacos!

And in Andrea's words, the title means a vacation. I didn't know that, and I doubt I would have ever learned! Some references to Choices Of an Angel.

Warnings: Car Violence, Spoilers, Gambling Issues, Some Alcohol, and the wrong use of donkeys

Sabbatical  
Chapter One: Please Step Away From The Car

"Yuan guess what I won!"  
Yuan glanced over, almost not wanting what his seraphim friend. It had been so many years since the two started living together.

"What?" Yuan hissed. He glared as Kratos held his hands behind his back. They were in kitchen, where Kratos made his accuse for a breakfast.

"Since we saved the two worlds I won a free paid trip to Mohegan Sun Connecticut! It's at a casino and it's for me and one 'friend'," Kratos explained. Yuan gave an utterly confused look.

"Where the hell is that?" Yuan asked, setting down his mug. Kratos shook his head is if he didn't know.

"I don't know. But we have a free Rent-a-car!" Kratos spoke, overly happy. Yuan raised an eyebrow.

"A... car?" Yuan asked. He had no clue what a car was. He also had no clue what a rent was. Was it a tissue?

"I don't know. But you're coming along!" Kratos spoke grabbing Yuan by the arm vigorously. Almost in a a rampage, he slapped Kratos across the face.

"What if I don't want to come?" Yuan spoke, being stubborn like a skunk. Wait how is a skunk stubborn. Wrong simile!

"Oh, your coming, Pl-eeeeeeeeeeeease Yuan?" Kratos begged on his knees. Yuan looked at Kratos. Lately he was unlike himself. He was starting to act like, well, like Michael Jackson. Or was he?  
"Fine, fine," Yuan muttered. He shook his head then waved a hand and his bags were packed.

"When do we leave?" Yuan asked, yawning. Kratos jumped up and ran over to his own bags.

"Right now!" Kratos spoke grabbing his hand. Yuan gave the most disgusted look and followed Kratos, with his own bags, outside.

Sitting outside, in there lawn, was a mustard yellow, dented, rusty, hippie van. Yuan starred blankly at the car as Kratos hopped into the drivers seat.

"This is a car?" Yuan asked, starring at the ugly car. It reminded him of Martha Stuart. As much as he hated to admit, He loved the what she did with all those flower bouquets.

"Hell yea! And look it's got fluffy pink seat covers!" Kratos spoke sitting down. This was going to be a long trip!

"How do you work that thing?" Yuan asked putting the bags in the car and getting in. Kratos turned to Yuan with a key in hand.

"It's called screwdriver!" Kratos squeaked. Yuan starred at the key in confusion. Alrighty then.

"Ok, then, it's a screwdriver," Yuan spoke, still trying to get comfortable. Wanting to check his hair, Yuan pulled down the visor and was shocked to find a picture of Jerry Springer eating a pumpkin ice cream cone, on a flying pony where the mirror should be.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Yuan yelled shutting the visor. Kratos looked over, he had over twenty cheese puffs shoved into his mouth.

"Want a cheese puff?" Kratos asked. Yuan slightly nodded and Kratos pointed to behind the seat. Extending a hand to grab a cheese puff, to his horror he pulled up a black clump of hair. Raising it's evil ugly head was ... MICHAEL JACKSON!

Yuan screamed and Kratos shouted with glee.

"MICHAEL JACKSON!" Yuan sunk into his seat and closed his eyes.

"Breath, breath, oh damnit I can't breath with Michael Jackson in my car," Yuan hollered as Kratos turned onto the interstate. With a high pitched, feminine voice,

"Hello my friends," Michael Jackson squeaked handing Yuan his nose. Shrinking back in horror, Yuan chucked the nose at Kratos. With another squeak of glee, Kratos yelled.

"OH LET ME TRY!" As he attempted to pull of his own nose.

"Kratos wait, don't do that," Yuan warned but Kratos had ripped his nose off and now was bleeding to death.

"Cast first aid or something you idiot!" Yuan yelled as he shoved Kratos' nose back on his face.

"I'm hungry," Michael Jackson spoke laying in the back seat. Kratos nodded in his in agreement.

"Let's stop for ice cream!" Kratos suggested. Yuan, who was starting to find this trip annoying. Kratos pulled off the exit and drove up to a ice cream stand. Michael Jackson was the first to jump out of the car. He waved to some of his fans and unloyal fans with a white glove.

"I want pistachio," He spoke licking his lips. Well what was left of them anyhow. Kratos got out, forgetting the key inside. Yuan got out of the car and watched the random people walk by, starring at the group.

"Yuie! What do you want!" Kratos asked licking his pumpernickel cone. Yuan starred blankly at the, more then likely, on steroid Kratos.

"Um, Vanilla is fine," Yuan spoke, a little uneasy. The big fat man with the ice cream stand, aka Dr. Eggman, handed Yuan the cone.

"Do you want some world domination with that?" Dr. Eggman asked slyly. Yuan gave a uneasy glance along with Kratos.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that?" Michael Jackson asked. Dr. Eggman. Dr. Eggman fluffed his mustache, that huge ugly rats nest, which actually had rats in it and spoke, afraid.

"Um, I mean sprinkles! Do you want some sprinkles with that?" He asked. Yuan shook his head.

"Thank you, my love," Michael Jackson spoke as the ice cream man walked off. Kratos went over to the drivers side to find they were locked out!

"Kratos, where did you put the screwdriver," Yuan asked as he saw it in the car. Michael Jackson then spoke in a weird voice.

"I LOVE screwdrivers," And with that he saw a policeman, and hid behind a fire hydrant.  
"Maybe kicking it will open it," Yuan spoke as he kicked the car. Suddenly the car spoke.

"Please step away from the car," It spoke as if it was a secretary. Yuan gave an evil scowl, he hated to be told what to do.

"Oh really?" Yuan asked as he started to the kick the car harder.

"Yuan, That's not a good idea," Kratos spoke as the policeman walked over. Yuan stopped kicking momentarily as the policeman gave a disturbing look.

"What are you two doing?" The policeman asked. On his belt was a pink walkie talkie.

"Oh, we locked our screwdriver in the car," Kratos spoke. The policeman's eyes grew as wide as big old lakes.

"We can't get in without it," Yuan added. Kratos gave a sharp nod.

"How dare you, are you trying to break into this car?" He asked. When he spoke, you could see his ugly yellow decayed teeth. From eating so many doughnuts.

"Oh no! If we wanted to do that we'd use a key!" Kratos spoke as he took out a screwdriver from his pocket. He held it up as if it was an item to bid on the Price is Right.

Michael Jackson's voice came from the hydrant.

"I LOVE screwdrivers." The policeman looked over and saw Michael Jackson doing some un pleasant things to the poor hydrant. That poor hydrant! WAH!

Yuan, who felt annoyed with all this unexpected delays, kicked the car once again. The car spoke yet again.

"This car with self-destruct in 2.5 seconds. Have a wonderful day, you jackasses," The car spoke as a smiley face appeared in the rear view mirror. The group all jumped out of the way, as the car exploded into a huge amount of cheese. Yum, smelly cheese.

"Smells like my bedroom," Michael Jackson suddenly spoke as he began to lick the cheese on the pavement. Yuan began to grab all the cheese out of his hair.

"Now how are we going to get to Mohegan Sun?" Yuan complained, sitting down. The policeman screamed like a girl. A young girl.

"I Love that place. Let me take you there!" He said jumping in his car. Yuan and Kratos exchanged glances then got in the car. Michael Jackson jumped out from the hydrant.

"That sounds lovely!" He spoke as he jumped in the far back seat as if he was a prisoner. On the way, many pedestrian screamed out.

"They caught Michael Jackson!"

Also on their way to there prepaid trip, Kratos began to mess with the buttons in the car. Flicking the red buttons. Sirens blasted, lights flashed, and then the Tele Tubbies theme song came on. The whole car screamed with agony. Screamed for their sanity!

"NO!"

Michael Jackson then put down his window and started singing along.

"I love this song, especially Tinky Winky!" Michael Jackson hollered. As they turned off the highway to Mohegan Sun, a mad man with no eyebrows, wielding a welding gun, started shooting embers at the police car.

"Damnit Kratos. Why did you have bring me," Yuan complained, as they drove into the parking garage.

Dun dun, end chapter here!

Author's Note:  
Ok, that was random . Pure random. Thanks to my buddies for helping me with it along the way. I loved the screwdrivers. Ok I'm starting to speak like Michael jackson, AGH! Well, you'll have to see our next chapters to see what will happen. and let me say this, you'll be stunned.


	2. Stop the Madness!

**Yes, I've been to Mohegan Many times. and it's so crowded, and so pretty. So expect random things to happen. and yes Michelle, I'm putting in your moose! Happy now? Sure you are!**

Sabbitical  
Chapter Two: **S**top The Madness!

"**W**ell, fellows, I'll be taking my leave," The Policeman spoke as the group walked into where the elevators were located. Yuan nodded as the fat policeman left to his car. Michael Jackson looked around then ran to the window where he looked down at all the little people walking around, un protected.

"Yuan, I suggest we leave him here," Kratos guessed. Yuan sharply nodded as they clicked the white button that would make the elevator appear.

"This is just like my base," Yuan noticed as they waited for the elevator. Suddenly Michael Jackson plunged through the glass of the window down, down down, to have some, erm fun?

"That takes care of him," Yuan spoke, relieved.

"The elevator is here," Kratos spoke as he walked into the elevator, Yuan following. The door shut. It was only them in the elevator. Playing in the background was I dream of Genie theme song. Because it's really catchy!

Kratos began to hum along with the theme song. Yuan looked over and scowled.

"What are you doing?" He asked crossing his arms.

"It's really catchy," Kratos replied. Yuan sighed, as the elevator took a long time to go down. They began at the hundredth floor. Every level the elevator would stop to see if anyone wanted to come on. That's one hundred stops. Hell yea. Even though Mohegan Sun isn't that big...

"Yuan, now we're finally alone. Now I can tell something, in private," Kratos spoke glancing over. The theme song suddenly to Jaws theme song. Yuan backed away, very very worried. Too much cheese puffs made Kratos constipated, ok then.

"Yuan you'll never guess," Kratos spoke, dreamy eyes. Yuan, backed against the wall, now afraid of Kratos. Oh great, the steroid effect was coming back.

"We're through," Kratos spoke. Yuan gave a confused look.

"We were never together. How could we be through?" Yuan spoke, utterly confused.

"Good question, I don't know. But there was that one time," Kratos spoke scratching chin. Yuan grinned then scowled, hushing Kratos.

"Wait! That never happened, no one must know," Yuan spoke as he starred at all the readers, reading this bizarre, story, should I even call it a story?

"But wait! You can't go! I never honestly had the chance to hate you!" Yuan bellowed.

"I've become a male order bride!" Kratos spoke. For those who don't know what that means, it means someone who goes online and pays someone to marry them through the mail. Oh dear, poor Kratos.

"You've become a WHAT! You're marrying some hobo when you could have-" he paused. Wait, he thought. I must see who he got a letter from.

"Lemme see the letter," Yuan spoke as he grabbed it. Yuan starred in horror. The man that Kratos was marrying was none other then Yggdrasill!

Speaking of the devil, erm girly man, at the eightieth floor Yggdrasill waltzed in. Wearing pink tux, just the one he wore at the dance party! Evil laughter was heard as the theme turned to Austin Powers.

"That shade does so not your eye liner, or your lipstick, or your eyes, or even you damn underpants!" Kratos spoke. The last line made Yuan shutter. Just like those shutters in those horror movie.

The door opened again and in walked a enormous chocolate moose! Yum, moose! The moose elbowed through everyone.

"Excuse me, I have a wedding to go to," The moose moaned. "Do you know a handsome man named Yggdrasill?" Yuan starred blankly. Handsome? Man was that moose blind!

"Oh! So your Kratas the moose," Yggdrasill squeaked as he jumped on the moose's back and charged out of the elevator yelling.

"Just call me daddy!"

Yuan looked over at Kratos, almost in tears from laughter, but he didn't laugh. He didn't want to laugh, it caused certain problems.

The door opens and Michelle stairs in and screams.

"CONSTIPACTION?" The door shut, leaving the two alone again. They were speechless.

"So that's what happens when you laugh," Kratos spoke grinning.

"So where is my mail order bride?" Kratos whined. He then turned to Yuan. "OH! I forgot to tell you. I have your letter from the mail order bride office!' Kratos squeaked shoving a letter under his nose.

"You what!" Yuan spoke grabbing he letter in disgust.

"What I want to read the letter first!" Kratos yelled grabbing the letter. "I entered you, I have the right to!" Kratos complained.

"Fine, whatever," Yuan spoke, not amused. They were only on level seventy.

"oh Yuie!" Kratos sang. Yuan looked over. Kratos continued, "Good news!"

"What, you're dead?" Yuan asked. Kratos shook his head.

"No Silly, you got the best the mail order bride ever!" Kratos yelled. Yuan looked over, only a hint hopeful.

"Who Colette?" he asked, taking a guess.

"No. Try again," Kratos spoke. Yuan shrugged.

"Sheena?" Yuan asked uneasily. Kratos shook his head.

"Nope, try again," Kratos chimed.

"Lloyd, Mithos, anything, Just freaking tell me!' Yuan yelled clutching his head. In that instant he knew the truth. It was... dun dun dun... KRATOS!

"No $&$(!$!#2!$#$&E$ way" Yuan yelled, cussing all he could. Kratos looked hopeful.

"Hunny, that's not very nice. Would you talk like that in front of our children?" Kratos asked. That just creeped him out. Suddenly the lights dimmed. The elevator had broken down.

"No!" Cried Yuan. "I'm stuck in here with this gay idiot" Yuan whined.

"You mean your future husband," Kratos pointed out. Yuan gave the most disturbed look at Kratos. Yuan completely lost control, which he never ever does.

"How could this possibly happen to me. What did I ever do!" Yuan yelled.

"SAY YOU LOVE ME!" Kratos yelled.

"I will never say it, I will never love you, well except for that one time, but I was um-" Yuan paused. Kratos then pulled out a cheese puff from his pocket.

"Want one?" He asked shoving it in Yuan's face.

"No damnit! I want to get out of this elevator. Don't you understand! We are stuck in an elevator, together," Yuan spoke clenching his teeth.

"I know ain't it great?" Kratos asked eating a cheese puff. Suddenly, Yuan lost in his own little word, started to kick and pry his way out of the elevator, only to find they were stuck between floors.

"Terrific." He muttered.

"I could totally go for a taco right now," Kratos whined. Yuan glanced over, almost lost for words.

"A taco? Remember the last time you had a taco? I had to pull your $$ out of bed and then hand feed you, never doing that again," Yuan shuttered. Oh yes, you have to love the shutters.

"AIIIIIIII!" Suddenly blasting through the elevator was known other than Drew Carey! Yet again.

"Yuan, is that you. That hot sexy Yuan from Yggdrasill's party?" Drew Carey asked, lost for words.

"Back off! He's mine, even if he doesn't want to be, It's legal," Kratos spoke shoving the letter in Drew Carey's face. Drew Carey suddenly unexpected, He ate the letter.

"THANK YOU!" Yuan screeched. Kratos began to kick Drew Carey, oddly. Very oddly. Did I mention oddly?

"No! I love you Yuan," Kratos spoke clinging to Yuan's sleeve. Yuan glared at Kratos. Drew Carey grabbed onto Yuan's other sleeve.

"But I love you more," Drew Carey spoke. Yuan found it great to be fought over my two men but didn't have time to dwell on the thought. He pushed them both off.  
"Kratos, get a hold of yourself!" Yuan spoke shaking Kratos. Kratos then began to sing.

"SHAKE IT UP!" Kratos yelled singing Mariah Carey's newest single. Yuan starred blankly at the lost cause.

Just then a Turkish warlord fell through the ceiling.

"They have to get this elevator fixed," Yuan spoke, holding his head. The Turkish warlord then spoke.

"Come to Turkey with me! I will rule you with my gravy! For I am a warlord!" he screeched. Drew Carey looked over stunned.

"Omigosh! Weren't you at the stripping party two levels up?" He asked. Kratos felt his head, he was beginning to feel dizzy. Too many Bud Lights... Too much noise, too much alone time with Yuan.

"Ah shut your damn mouth," Yuan spoke picking up the Turkish warlord and shoving him through a small crack in the floor. How odd was that.

"We have to get out of here," Yuan spoke scrambling into the mash pit just a level above. Kratos sighed and followed.

They walked into the mash, totally surrounded by evil people. Actually not evil, just rock people. Yuan glanced through the crowd then stood there, stunned to death. On stage was Zelos. Zelos stripping to the song I'm Too Sexy.

"Kratos, is that Zelos?" Yuan asked. Kratos gave a swift nod then turned and grinned at him.

"You should go and try also," Kratos said with a wink. Yuan starred blankly at Kratos.

"Nu-uh, not in front of all these people," Yuan spoke. He shook his head. "Ugh, I need a drink, fast," He scampered away to the bar.

A half hour and a dozen drinks later. Ok that is bizarre, well Yuan was on stage with Zelos and Kratos was in his happy place. All I'm going to say. Yep.

After the mash, well whatever you call it, the three, including Zelos, went up for an after party. Well Kratos only tagged along to make sure they didn't fall out a window.

"Dude, you were awesome up there," Zelos spoke leaning against a chair, in pink fuzzy pajamas.  
Yuan was now naming all the ice cubes in the freezer. Kratos glanced, now as it could tell, Kratos wasn't on steroids earlier, he was probably drunk. Oh good gosh, he was drinking and driving! Wrong Message! Don't try that at home.

"And I'll name this one Bob," Yuan spoke hugging an ice cube. Kratos glanced over.

"Yuan, give me the ice cube," He commanded. Yuan stuck the ice cube in his mouth and ran around the room.

"This is my bob, Kratos!" Yuan yelled falling on the bed. Zelos grabbed a muffin then ran into the bathroom and started playing with Rubber Duckies. Lots of rubber duckies.

"You know Yuan, I have a very interesting situation here, I have a drunk a hot drunk sexy Yuan sitting in front of me and I am just drunk enough to do something about it"

**Author's Note:**

**Andrea asked me to the last line in. She was like, PUT IT IN! PUT IT IN! IT WOULD BE FUNNY. And I do agree, it is funny :-) wh00t! Oh yea! This is getting weird. So weird, and yes, the next chapter Yuan will acquire a bad gambling and drinking addiction. That's what these casnio's can do to you. And remember, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE! Please review.**


	3. These are my people!

Author's Note: Beware of this chapter. I am so dead serious. Yuan gets drunk, really really drunk. REALLY Drunk. Poor Kratos!

Warnings: Some hints of yaoi, well drunk Yuan (x3), Drew Carey, Violence, Gambling, Swearing, and?... The Black eyed Peas? Yes, those are your warnings.

Sabbitical  
Chapter Three: These are my People!

Yuan awoke to a prodding at his foot. Something fluffy. Yuan cracked his eye open and yelled.

"Kratos what the hell are you doing?" He looked downward and there sat an evil bunny glaring demonic eyes.

"I ish Lord Vader Bunny! Fear me!" The bunny yelled. Yuan screamed as he saw Kratos gone.

(Michelle pokes her head into MY writing office.  
" Gone like the wind? or GONE LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN GONE LIKE YESTERDAY GONE LIKE SOLDIER IN THE CIVIL WAR, BANG BANG, GONE LIKE A 59 CADILLAC, LIKE ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT AIN'T NEVER COMING BACK, HE'S GONE!" She leaves. Ok that was odd. And yes, he was gone. Gone like Michelle just described. OOh maybe he got ran over by a train.

Andrea pokes her head in.  
"Maybe he got ran over by a reindeer!" She leaves also. Anyways back to the damn Yuan Story!)

Yuan, startled, woke up and saw no rabbit at his foot. But Kratos wasn't there. He sighed and got up. He walked over to the freezer, and in the freezer were the Black Eyed Peas. He slammed the freezer right in the verse of Hey mama, turned around and saw Dancing Beanie Babies on his bed.

"KRATOS!" Yuan yelled. This time he really woke up. I'm being serious. He's awake. Standing over Yuan was Kratos. He poked him violently.

"What are you doing standing over me!" Yuan yelled.

"You were crying out for me in your sleep," Kratos spoke, stiffling a laugh. Yuan got up, of course not out of the bed. He slept in the nude so you get the picture. ha ha ha!

"No I wasn't," Yuan hissed. Kratos shook his head.

"Whatever, where are we?" Kratos asked. Yuan glared violently.

"You're that one that planed this trip!" Yuan cussed, chucking a shoe at Kratos. Kratos ducked the shoe then sat down.

"Anyway, don't tell me then. I can figure it out," Kratos complained. Yuan took a deep sigh then explained everything that had happened over the past two days. Kratos couldn't hold it in, he bursted out laughing.

"Did that really happen?" He asked.

"Duh, we are in a hotel aren't we," Yuan spoke bitterly. Kratos sighed then thought for a moment.

"What the hell have I been on?" Kratos asked shaking his head. Yuan rolled his eyes and grabbed his clothes from his counter.

"Whatever, I'm going to get change and enjoy the rest of this so called trip," He put on his pants then walked into the bathroom. Sighing he looked in the mirror then screamed in horror. In the bathtub was none other then Zelos playing with rubber duckies, still.

"Zelos! What the heck are you doing?" Yuan yelled turning around. Zelos made duck sounds then splashed onto the ground.

"Yuan, I heard something and-" Kratos began but when he came in he saw Zelos in a tub.

"What the hell happened last night," Kratos asked uneasily. Yuan shifted as he watched Zelos. Zelos looked up.

"Oh you really want to know what happened last night?" He asked, putting a duckie on his head. Kratos nodded.

"Heh, I think you two had quite a fun time," Zelos laughed. Kratos exchanged uneasy glances. Zelos got up, don't worry, he was wearing duckie bath trunks. Yep, he was. Zelos left the hotel room and was heard running the hall singing Holiday by GreenDay.

"..." Yuan remained silent. Kratos also was silent. It was so silent you could hear Drew carey coughing up a hairball three doors down. Ok that was odd. Very odd. Like Michael Jackson!

"Let's just put last night behind us," Kratos spoke leaving the bathroom.

After awhile, in his highly hung-over state, Yuan decided to do what casino's were all about, gamble. He went to try his hand at poker. Yes it's a pun laugh! Laugh! So erm, Yuan was playing a game of poker with three well-known people  
First was Bob! Bob from Bob's Discount Furniture! Man do we all hate him. Next was, of course, Drew Carey, how he is becoming a usual in my stories. And finally was Bob Barker from the Price is Right! Oh yea!

"I raise you ten on your sixty, Bob," Yuan spoke shoving his coins in. Bob from Bob's nodded and it was a face off. Yuan laid down his cards, but before he did, he went, all in. dun dun dun. Yuan laid down his cards, Two Aces. Hard to beat. Bob laid down his cards, A Queen and Jack, Suited! Gasp!

"Give it up," Bob said evilly. He was letting on to his true evil nature. Oh my dear god, I always knew Bob on those commercials was pure evil!

"Not yet," Yuan spoke as the river showed the Cards 2, 8, J, 4, and A. Yuan won. x3

"Damnit!" Bob spoke. The other bob, from the pricing show, shook his head and turned to Drew Carey.

"This is why we have our own shows," He spoke. Drew Carey nodded. Yuan gave a blank look and grabbed the pile of money. Shoving it into his pocket, he walked over to a slot and sat down.

"How do you work these things?" He asked kicking it. A few random people starred at him. Hehehe, that's funny. Anyways, he looked over and saw an old lady putting quarters into the machine. Yuan took out some of the quarters he managed to get from the famous people and shoved them into the machine.

The screen showed cherry cherry bar. Yuan twitched and hollered.

"DID I WIN!" Yuan repeatedly kept putting money into the machine. He was addicted, already. As if that wasn't bad enough, he ordered five cocktails. There should be a law against that. Or is there? Bad waitresses!

Kratos appeared behind Yuan after he had drunk all those drinks. Gosh, I don't think Yuan could be even more drunk.

"Yuan are you alright, what are you doing might I ask?" Kratos asked. He touched Yuan on the shoulder and whirled him around. He sat there, zoned out, drunk. Kratos shook his head.

"Not again. No way am you getting me drunk," Kratos spoke. He looked at Yuan. "Come on Yuan, let's go back to our room," Kratos spoke grabbing Yuan by the elbow. Yuan glared and smacked him upside the head.

"I take it that's a no," Kratos complained. He sighed and looked back at Yuan. "If you come up now, erm, I'll let you do whatever you want, and even name ice cubes," Kratos spoke, scratching his head.

"Leave me alone! Let me be with my machine!" He hissed. Kratos gave a shifty glance as a weird lady walked over.

"Hey, you're pretty cute," The girl said to Yuan. Kratos, fearing he'd say something he'd regret, sat down next to Yuan and looked at the girl.

"He's with me," and winked. The lady gave a stunned look then left abruptly. Damn Kratos, you probably gave her a heart attack.

"You better thank me for that," Kratos spoke, disgusted. Yuan didn't re act at all.

"Fine then, drink your little drinks. Like I care, fine whatever," Kratos spoke getting up and leaving to the spiffeh mall part of the casino.

Kratos walked slowly to where the waterfall and just starred. "Just like Heimdall," He spoke watching the flowing water. After a few moments, he looked over at a shop. It was the Fish Store. The fish store was a shop dedicated to the ocean, it has sharks, live fish, jewelry, so on and so on.

"Yuan would have a heart attack if he saw all these fish," Kratos spoke stifling a laughter.

Back at Yuan, Yuan had managed to win one hundred bucks already. Man did he have good luck. Really good luck. Anyways, he closed his eyes then looked around for Kratos.

"Kratos!" Yuan hollered. A fat man eating a corn dog starred at Yuan for a few moments. The fat man looked oddly like a WWE wrestler. Hmmm, odd. Yuan cashed out then, drunkenly, went to find Kratos.

Banging into random people, who cussed at him in their own languages (Trust me, loads of people do that when we go to the casino!). Yuan shrugged and yelled Kratos' name multiple time. Most people found a man with blue hair, wearing a cape an odd scene. But hey, they've seen weirder things.

"Kratos, where are you," Yuan whined as he walked out to the mall area. Slowly he made his way to a bar, again, and ordered another drink. My god! Why do these people keep giving him a drink!

"This is damn good and tasty, just like Kratos," Yuan spoke banging the bottle on the table. Thankfully, Kratos had spotted Yuan at the bar before he got up and went on a rampage banging into walking people.

"Yuan! How many drinks have you had?" Kratos asked. Yuan looked over and jumped up and hugged Kratos.

"Kratos!" He squeaked. Kratos looked uneasily as Drew Carey walked by eating a rye bread ice cream cone. This world had such weird ice cream...

"Yuan, answer me, how many drinks have you had?" Kratos asked. Yuan let go of his death grip hug and held up both hands. _Oh dear gosh, he had ten _Kratos thought. Yuan fell onto a bench.

"We have to get you upstairs. Between your gambling problem and drinking problem, I really think you need some help," Kratos spoke trying to get Yuan to stand up. He wouldn't budge.

"Another drink, Paul," Yuan spoke banging his hand against the counter. The waiter laughed and passed another cold hard beer to him. Kratos turned to him.

"Can't you see he's drunk as he is?" Kratos asked. The man shrugged.

"Hey, as long as I'm getting paid, who gives a damn," He laughed then walked to the other side of the bar. Kratos starred at Yuan as he drank the bottle rapidly.

"You're going to be such a crab in the morning," Kratos spoke. He grabbed Yuan by the arm but he wouldn't move.

"I'm staying here with my kind," Yuan spoke. Kratos looked at the other people at the bar. There was Eggman, Drew Carey, Jerry Springer, Michael Jackson yet again, and a tall man with a beard that fell down to the floor.

"Theses are your people?" Kratos asked, trying not to laugh. Yuan nodded slowly.

"They love me," He spoke. Kratos tried not to laugh. He sighed then looked at Yuan uneasily.

"What can I do to make you go upstairs?" He asked, fearing what the drunk Yuan might want to do.

"I dunno..."Yuan spoke looking at the ceiling. It was one of those clear glass ceilings where you could look up at the sky.

"Then come on Yuan!" Kratos spoke grabbing Yuan's arm again. Yuan sighed and then looked at his people.

"I Love you all!" He squeaked as he set down a twenty five dollar bill and led the way in front of Kratos. Kratos looked at the starring people, and shrugged. He ran to get in front of Yuan.  
"Give me your hand," He commanded as Yuan wobbled around like bowling pin.

"No Kratos, that'll make us look, uh you know, gay," Yuan spoke starring at someone's shoe. Kratos gave a sigh.

"Just do it," He hissed and grabbed the half-elves hand. Yuan closed his eyes as Kratos pulled him to the elevators.

"No not the elevators!" Yuan shrieked. An old lady starred at them. Kratos sighed and look to the right.

"Just close your eyes," He spoke as Yuan did as he was told. For once they made it safely to their rooms. Kratos sighed as he took out his key, which they still thought was a screwdriver, and opened the door.

"I feel tired," Yuan spoke as he charged for the bed and fell down on it.

"At least he's in the room," Kratos spoke. He sighed as splashing was heard from the bathroom, again. Knowing it was Zelos, he ran into the bathroom prepared to tell Zelos to go to his own room. He stood in the doorway to the bathroom in shock. Sitting in the tub was none other than, ok guess, I know you can guess. Yep that's right, Drew Carey!

"Why is Drew Carey in our tub? Wait, don't answer that,"Kratos said slamming the door and locked Drew Carey inside. Was Drew Carey some kind of stalker that just didn't go away? He was starting to think that.

Walking back to the room, he looked for Yuan. Yuan was sitting on the bed, starring at the freezer. Kratos starred at the freezer and sighed.

"You are going to be ok right?" Kratos asked. Yuan shook his head and then looked at the ceiling. He twitched his ears then squealed with happiness.

"Kratos!" He bellowed. Kratos sighed and looked at him.

"Um, what Yuan?" He asked. Yuan pointed up and hummed.

"They're having a stripping party up there," He spoke. Kratos sighed, a drunk Yuan wasn't pleasant at all. He said the most random things. God knows what he could do, or how he would act.

Yuan looked over at Kratos.

"Lollipop!" He yelled. Falling off his own bed from shock, Kratos banged against the floor.

"How the hell am I a lollipop?" Kratos asked. Of all the things to be thought of as. What was even stranger was that Yuan then broke out with the song Candyshop. After half the song was over, Yuan stopped.

"Yuan, you need to go to bed before you drive me insane," Kratos spoke sitting back on his bed. Yuan starred over at Kratos. A few seconds passed, the a few minutes.

"What?" Kratos asked. Kratos grabbed a bag of cheese puffs he had under his bed and began eating them from boredom.

"..." Yuan remained starring at Kratos. Kratos held a cheese puff in thin air and just starred back at Yuan. He then crunched down on the cheese puff. Cr-UNCH!

"Yuan, are you ok?" Kratos asked shoving another cheese puff in his mouth. Yuan remained starring at Kratos.

A banging was heard from the bathroom. Drew Carey... hehehe. Kratos ignored the banging, and oddly a song that was coming from the bathroom that seemed to be about tomatoes but sung by chipmunks? Odd.

"Kratos..." Yuan spoke finally. Kratos stopped eating his cheese puffs.

"What?" He asked, holding the bag. Another few minutes passed, with silence, other then Drew Carey who started singing a 50 Cent Song.

"You're hot," He finally said. Kratos dropped the bag on the bed and gave Yuan the most disgusted look.

"Oh damnit Yuan, we've been over this, no no no," He shook his head and buried his head into his hands. Yuan however just watched Kratos intently.

"Really hot," Yuan spoke. Kratos decided to ignore Yuan and grabbed his cheese puffs.

"And sexy," Yuan continued. Kratos hummed, trying to block out Yuan. He clicked on the tv. But Yuan kept talking.

"So damn hot," He rattled. Kratos, still ignoring him, glanced over at the window. Fluttering outside the window were the Black Eyed Peas on a winged pony. They all waved then flew off to Neverland Ranch to go see Michael Jackson.

"?.." Kratos just starred at the window. Another one of Kratos' worst fears came true. The tv suddenly shut off and all the lights blacked out. No lights, stuck in a room with a horney drunk Yuan ( x3!) and Drew Carey in the bathroom singing rap. This was a nightmare. (Not for me tho, hehehe xD)

"Yuan, stay where you are. For heaven's sake, just stay on your bed," Kratos comanded as Drew Carey began to sing louder.

"Kratos, can I come and sit with you?" He asked. Kratos twitched his left eye. Didn't he just say to stay where he was.

"Oh for Martel's sake, get the damn power back on!" Kratos yelled. Kratos wasn't one to swear, oddly.

"I love you Kratos," Yuan chimed. Kratos starred blankly at the darkness. When would the horror end. Drew Carey then began to sing a Akon song, Mr. Lonely. (I hate that song...).

"Yuan, just shut your eyes and go to sleep," Kratos warned. He hopelessly prayed that Yuan would go to sleep and wake up the next morning and be the moodiest person ever. But of course he had to suffer with this phase of Yuan for the night.

"Can I sleep with you?" Yuan squeaked. Kratos twitched more and grabbed his cheese puffs and began to eat.

"I can't hear you!" Kratos spoke, shutting out Yuan. In the background Drew Carey sang the phrase "Mr.Loneeeeeeely!".

"Please Kratos?" Yuan asked. Kratos continued to eat his cheesepuffs praying the power would come back on. He also helped Yuan would be smart enough to use his magic to light something in the room. But of course, he was drunk.

Kratos extended his wings which lit up the room vaguely. He could see Yuan, still cross-legged on his bed. Yuan watched Kratos still. It was like a zombie movie. So creepy...

"Yuan, just go to sleep," He spoke, hoping Yuan would nod. But Yuan didn't he then got up. Kratos grabbed his cheesepuffs as a shield.

"Stay away Yuan," he warned. His only weapon was a bag of junk food, how pathetic?

"Can I have one?" Asked Yuan sitting down next to him. Kratos glared at Yuan, still twitching.

"Uh, take them," Kratos spoke jumping over to Yuan's bed so the two weren't on the same bed. Yuan ate the puffs very oddly. All you could hear were loud crunching. Very, loud crunching.  
The lights flashed back on suddenely. Kratos gave a huge sigh of relief. Looking over, he noticed the carpet was red. What the hell?...

"Yuan, do you see that?" Kratos asked, knowing he wouldn't get an intelligent response.

"I want you," Yuan spoke starring at Kratos. Still oblivious, Kratos looked at the stain. It was fresh. There had been a murder! (Gasp!)

"Yuan, someone is dead," Kratos spoke, now more affraid of what was going on more then the Yuan situation. Yuan thought for a moment.

"I'll kill you if you don't sleep with me," Yuan squeaked. Kratos looked over. Since when did Yuan use threats? It was even strange for him even when he was drunk. He must really meant what he was saying. Kratos twitched.

"Uh, no thanks," He spoke looking back at the stain.

"Blood! Blood!"

Kratos fell off the bed and Yuan caught him before he could hit his head, AGAIN, on the floor. Kratos looked up.

"WHAT WAS THAT! and uh..Thanks," he murmured. He stood up and looked around the corner. There was a trail of blood. This was SUCH a care-free vacation.

"I'm going to check on Drew Carey, he stopped singing, stay here Yuan," Kratos commanded. Yuan gave a small nodd but followed Kratos. Kratos sighed, knowing he'd continue to follow him.

The door knobb was all bloody. It was like the Ring, but with loads of blood!

"I think Drew Carey is dead," Kratos spoke. Yuan gasped, well not really, he was still obsessing over Kratos. Kratos pushed open the door and all that was left in the tub was that creepy girl from the Ring. Ew.. she was laying in the tub, dead from drowning. Kratos shut the door so fast.

"Yuan, we have a problem," He spoke. Yuan tilted his head.

"What? You don't have any protection?" he asked. Kratos just stood back at shock from Yuan, glancing the other way he went to touch the hotel room door knob but they were locked in!

"Shit..." Kratos spoke banging his head against the door.

"We're locked in together?" Yuan squeaked again. He was really squeaking alot lately.

"Please be quiet"

"I love you Kratos!"

"Yuan, the beer is talking, you don't love me. By god, you hate me."

"I want you!"

"Riiiiiiight"

"Hold me!" Yuan squeaked as he huggled Kratos. Kratos starred blankly as Yuan extended his wings and flapped them around.

"You have seven days to liiiiiive," Moaned the Ring Girl in the bathroom. Yuan kicked the door with his foot.

"You're breaking the moment ya damn ominous voice!"

"Yuan, this isn't a 'moment'"

"Yes it is!" Yuan agrued squeezing Kratos tightly.

"Yuan, I don't love you," Kratos complained, still trying to break free of Yuan's grasp.

"You have some whip cream x3?" Yuan asked. Kratos starred blankly as Yuan huggled him tighter.

"Yuan, let go!"

"Oh! You want to go on the bed?"

"On second thought, just keep doing what you're doing," Kratos spoke, getting an enormous head ache.

"Aren't you warm?" Yuan still squeaked.

"No... I'm actually fine,"

"Well, it's warm in here."

"No it isn't!" Kratos yelled.

"Yes it is!" Yuan spoke letting go of Kratos.

"Thank the goddess martel," Kratos spoke, still numb from Yuan's death grip.

"I'm too warm, I want my bob!" Yuan cried. Kratos starred blankly.

"What bob? Bob Barker, Bob from Bob's discount furniture, Bob the Ghost, or Bob the icecube?" Kratos ranted.

"ICE CUBE!" Yuan cried sitting down. Kratos sighed. Yuan was going through mood swings.

Suddenly Michelle screamed at the window.

"PMS!" Uh... no. Anyways, ignoring Michelle's random remarks, Kratos grabbed an ice cube from the freezer and shoved it in Yuan's mouth.

"Happy?"

"K-ratos! i'm choking!" Yuan squeaked holding his throat and falling flat on the bed.

"WHAT! On an ice cube!" Kratos spoke, startled, and un sure what to do.

"Can't breathe!" Yuan squeaked.

"O.o" Kratos just watched Yuan. "You sure you're choking?"

"HELP ME KRATOS!"

"fine," kratos smacked Yuan's back, avoiding his lavender wings, which slapped him across the face multiple times. x3

"Th-thank you!" Yuan squeaked jumping up and hugging Kratos tighter.

"Yuan, you're still drunk aren't you?" Kratos asked. A knock then came from the door.

"Who ish it!" Yuan squeaked.

"Yo! It's Zelos! Yuan, you in there!"

"ZELOS!"

"Zelos, try opening the door, we're locked in!" Kratos commanded, springing to his feet, wait he was already on his feet.

"Locked in, heh? Sounds like your having fun, I'll come back tomorrow," Zelos spoke. Kratos twitched.

"ZELOS! OPEN THIS DOOR! WE'RE LOCKED IN WITH A MURDER!" Kratos spoke banging his fists against the door. Zelos just laughed and ran down the hall screaming Dude Looks Like a Lady. Kratos could hear many people scream.

"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

"ah, bye bye Zelos," Yuan squeaked from his bed.

"Yuan, calm down, we'll be fine. Just let me think, what to do what to do, We're locked in with a mad man, and Yuan is passed out, Drew Carey is dead, the Black Eyed Peas flew by our window, and blood is all over the floor..." Kratos banged his head against the door again.

"Aww! Kratos need a hug?" Yuan squeaked.

"No, no hugs allowed!" Kratos whined.

"I love you Kratos!" Yuan squeaked. Kratos sighed, if only he would say that when he wasn't drunk.

"You're never drinking again. This vacation is a mess," Kratos spoke.

"Are we going to diiiiiiiiiie," Yuan squeaked, hugging a pillow. (x3 he so cute when he drunk. And he only squeaks, which ish funny x))

"No, Yuan, we can't die, remember?" Kratos sighed.

"You mean I can jump out a window and not die!"

"I guess..."

"I can stab a stake through my head and I won't die!"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"You mean I can eat a building, or drink fifty drinks and not die!" 

"Ok Yuan, stop it," Kratos spoke walking back over.

"Kratos, pleeeeeeeeease kiss me! I came here against my will!" Yuan squeaked. Kratos froze. Ugh!

"I'm not going to kiss you, I'm not drunk!"

"You wanna get drunk!" 

"Right now that sounds better then talking to you," Kratos sighed sitting back on his own bed and starring out the window. 

"I have a secret stash of beer!" Yuan squeaked. Kratos sighed, withdrew his wings, and closed his eyes. 

"No Yuan."

"K-kratos?"  
Kratos glanced over at Yuan. He was holding his head, as if he was going to pass out.

"Yuan, are you alright?" He asked, actually paying attention.

"Wh-ere..." Yuan shut his eyes and fell over, going into a deep sleep. Kratos sighed and gave a meek smile. At least he was fast asleep.

Author's Note:

LOL! I love cliff hangers. I sort of got scared when Yuan asked Kratos if he had protection! (ROFL!) I showed that to one of my friends and she almost died, busting her gut laughing. I am like obessed with Drew Carey. Oh dear gosh! He's dead! But I doubt I'll keep Drew Carey dead for long xP

Who did it? And will Yuan wake up in time? Erm, I tried to be random but I still can't help my obessive yaoi love x3! And yes, I am becoming obessed with Drew Carey D


	4. Piggies

**My obession of the Killers (which I am so listening to right now! LOL!) has inspired part of this chapter. Random objects in my house have inspired the other parts. Ok, wish me luck!**

**Warnings: Language, Killers, Spoilers, some yaoi (I'd use the other word but I hate spelling long words )**

* * *

"Yuan," Kratos poked Yuan very rapidly. Yuan woke up, in a very annoyed manor.

"Stop it! My head hurts as it is," He hissed angrily. Kratos got off the bed and shook his head.

"I told you that you'd get a horrible hang-over the next morning" Kratos spoke, sighing.

"I, was drinking last night?" Yuan spoke, in shock.

"Yea," Kratos spoke, thinking of the hell-filled night less then twelve hours ago. Yuan raised an eyebrow.

"We didn't.." Yuan began. Kratos shuddered.

"Oh damnit! Don't remind me! You kept asking all night," Kratos spoke, so annoyed.

"o.O thanks for not taking advantage of me," Yuan spoke.

"Ugh, I'm lucky I got out with my sanity," Kratos replied.

"Guess what!"

This time it was Drew Carey who broke down the door. Kratos gasped, Wasn't he dead!

"Aren't you dead?" Kratos asked. Yuan grabbed his blankets, pulled them tightly over his head, and hid under his sheets, in such a sucky mood.

"I live!" Drew Carey spoke. Kratos just starred at the fallen door.

"You broke down the door," Kratos sighed. Drew Carey nodded.

"Yea! But look here," He spoke walking over. He shoved three passes to the Killers concert O.o (GIVE THEM TO ME DREW CAREY! NOT TO KRATOS! TO ME!)

"The Killers?.." Kratos spoke blankly. Yuan rolled over, in his blankets.

"Who the frig are they," Yuan spoke. Drew Carey grabbed a giant pig and chucked it on Yuan's bed.

"Ack!" Yuan screeched jumping up and banged his head against the ceiling. The pig oinked then started to chase Yuan around the bedroom.

"Where did you get a pig?" Kratos asked. Drew Carey gave a sly smile.

"No where..."

"Whatever, would you just leave? You're stalking us and it's starting to creep me out" Kratos spoke, a little uneasy.

"But you guys so rock!"

"And that's why you chucked a rabid pig at Yuan?"

"He told me to!"

"He, told you to through a pig at him while he's in his bed?"

"Yep!"

"Yuan, did you tell Drew Carey he could chuck a pig at you?"

Yuan jumped onto Kratos' bed and clung to him. Which was odd seeing Yuan wasn't drunk. Maybe his phobia of pigs made him want comfort. Mwahahah.

"Yuan, get off me," Kratos spoke shrugging the half-elf off his arm. The pig was at the end of the bed, oinking evilly at Yuan.

"You told me last night at the bar I could break down your door and chuck random objects at you," Drew Carey complained petting the pig. O.o

"He was drunk. If you asked him to jump off the Whitehouse he would have."

"What's that?" Yuan asked, bitterly.

"Nevermind..." Kratos spoke, uneasily. Drew Carey gasped.

"Aren't you the one who blew up the Whitehouse!" Drew Carey gasped. Yuan glared over at Kratos, in confusion.

"No..."

"Ok Kratos, I can tell you're lieing," Yuan spoke glancing over. Kratos sighed.

"Get off my bed,"

"What if I don't want to!"

"Then I'll get the pig," Kratos spoke bending over as he picked up the pig. Yuan's eyes grew as wide as lakes and jumped over on his bed.

"Keep that filthy creature away from me!"

"So! Back to the concert, do you two want to come?" Drew Carey asked.

"Umm... whatever," Yuan spoke. Drew Carey nodded then ran into the bathroom.

"Any Idea on what he's doing?" Kratos asked.

"Nope"

"Maybe we should run for our lives down to the casino before he comes back out?"

"Good idea." Yuan answered, watching the pig intently.

Within moments the two were running out of the hotel room, chased by the rabid pig. It was a crazy chase! Yuan ran to the elevator, jumped in, the shut the door before Kratos could get in.

"Damn you!" Kratos spoke banging his fists against the elevator. The pig came charging down the hall, it's eyes beating bright red, foam flowing down his mouth.

"!" Kratos saw the pig then charged for the stairs. He ran down the first level of stairs with ease, but that all changed when he got to the second flight. In his way was a very odd man. He had no eyebrows, big fat moles on his face, yellow decayed teeth with most of the teeth golden, and wore trashed clothes. Basically he was a hobo with extra long toenails.

"Give me food or ye shall not pass!" The man hollered at Kratos.

"I don't have time for this, there's a pig after me!"

"Lucky, at least you have someone" The man spoke. Kratos starred blankly. Right...

"I meant a real live pig."

"I love pigs!"

"Not these kind"

"How do you know, mr. oddly colored hair"

"This kind will kill you, I am assuming. You will be torn to an abundant amount of pieces. This is the worst Sabbitical I've ever been on"

"hey! Don't use big words around me! How do I know you aren't talking about wanting me in bed!"

"If I wanted you in bed, I think I would have to be dead or druken beyond the point of no return," Kratos sighed. He turned his head and saw the pig charging down the stairs.

"PIG!" Kratos yelled and ran past the hobo. The man turned his head but the pig charged at his legs and sent him flying through the air to his eternal doom!

Kratos charged down the next flight of stairs faster. But his carefree, well sorta, run was interrupted by a random boot in the middle of the stairs.

"Boot!" Kratos yelled as he tripped over the boot and began to tumble down the stairs, banging his head along the way. The pig was still in hot pursuit. Kratos rolled down to the exit of the stairs and rolled out into the swingy doors.

"There you are Kratos," Spoke watching as Kratos landed on his back at the feet of the seraphim.

"The pig, he's after me," Kratos breathed heavily, he could barely speak.

"O.O!" Yuan jumped up and began to run. Kratos yelled.

"Help me up!"

"Oh riiiiight," Yuan spoke running back to Kratos and lifted him up. Once Kratos was up, the pig blasted through the swingy doors, snorting. His eyes were beating bright red, so shiny, and he starred at the two and snorted what sounded like a death call.

"RUN!" Yuan hollered as they ran into the casino. Once they made it into the main halls, where everyone was walking around, they turned around. Two fat men in black had cornered the pig and shoved him in a cage.

"Second one this week," one man said eating what looked like was human hair.

"At least we eat tonight!" The other man said licking his lips. Yuan and Kratos exchanged looks and walked down the hall.

"Between Drew Carey, the pig, and all this random shit, I just want to go home and I want things back to the way they were," Yuan complained sighing. Kratos looked over at his comrade.

"Come on Yuan, we should at least try to enjoy this trip," Kratos spoke. Yuan twitched.

"Kratos, how can I enjoy this trip? If I were just with you, and not all these frustrations maybe I'd enjoy it," he sighed. Kratos beamed at Yuan and leaned his head against his and made his 'Heh' sound.

"Now don't get all damn mushy on me!" Yuan complained uneasily. Kratos sighed and lifted his head back up.

"Wonder where Drew Carey went," Yuan spoke. Kratos shrugged but then realized he had grabbed the Killers Tickets from Drew Carey. Three of them.

"Yuan look, I have the tickets, want to go for the hell of it?" Kratos asked, more so as a joke. Yuan sighed.

"Whatever,"

"We have three tickets," Kratos noticed. "Who should come?"

"ME!" Author squeaks.

"What was that?" Kratos spoke looking at the ceiling. Yuan looked up also.

"Maybe it was God?" Yuan asked. Kratos slapped Yuan across the head.

"God only talks on Tuesday nights after happy hour, Yuan," Kratos advised. Yuan starred, with the most disturbed look. David Letterman suddenly appeared behind the two.

"Whoah! Who are you?" Yuan asked. David Letterman made a hand gesture.

"Welcome to the casino were people are never too tired to say Howdy!" David letterman spoke. Yuan and Kratos exchanged glances, as random people broke out in laughter.

"Whatever, let's just forget about the last ticket," Kratos spoke shoving it in his pocket.

"Good idea," Yuan commented, for once complimenting Kratos. Wowzers!

"Let's get going," Kratos spoke as he grabbed Yuan's hand and shoved the two of them through the crowd.

"Is this the line for the Killers concert?" Kratos asked as he saw a line near a closed door. A man turned around, called Will Smith, turned around. yes Will Smith, the rapper, the actor, and the one who swallowed a ten pound bag of potatoes.

"Nope. This is the hookup line, you stand here and get hooked up with someone then go in there," Will Smith spoke.

"Don't even think about it Yuan," Kratos warned. The two left then saw a stage, they walked over to see what was going on.

"Have you ever been rear-ended?" A man asked. Yuan glared at Kratos as he grinned. Kratos whistled

"Not yet," A fat man replied.

"Well we are going to play, GUESS-WHAT'S-MELTED"

"My underpants"

Kratos grinned over at Yuan as he stepped away.

"What the heck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing Yuan, let's just get to the concert." it only took the couple, I mean erm partners, oh wait, I mean, ok the two to find their way to the Wolf Den? Or is that at the other casino, I could really care less.

"I think this is it," Yuan spoke walking up to a security and showed them their passes.

"You do know you have blue hair," The security guard said starring at Yuan. Yuan starred blankly at the guard.  
"No shit Sherlock," Yuan spoke (Omfg.. a Bob's commerical is on!) as he shoved his way inside, Kratos following.

"Get out of our way, we have backstage passes, well no, they are front seat, so anyway, get the frig out of my way," Yuan hissed. The crowd immediately moved aside to let the odd two through.

"Don't mind him. He's still moody from a night of drinking," Kratos spoke. The whole crowed went "oooooh!" and went back to talking.

The two were now in the front. Yuan glanced up at the empty stage.

"This is pointless," He spoke, yawning. Kratos looked over at Yuan.

"Just give it a minute," Kratos spoke. Yuan shrugged and looked down at his watch. After a minute was up he shoved a hand in Kratos' face.

"HA!"

"Ah, shut up Yuan," Kratos spoke.

"Yuan, look, that lady over there isn't wearing anything," Kratos spoke poking Yuan. Yuan whirled around to where Kratos was looking as a man wearing a Speedo starred back at Yuan nose-to-nose.

"My bad," Kratos spoke, stifling laughter. The man scratched himself, O.O, and then walked away.

"I hate you Kratos..." Yuan muttered.

"Why?" Kratos asked grinning.

"Because, I don't enjoy men wearing skimpy outfits," Yuan hissed. Kratos grinned widely.

"Besides me you mean," Kratos spoke. Yuan squinted his eyes and sighed. Grinning even widder, Kratos put his arms around Yuan.

"I knew you loved me," He joked. Yuan smacked Kratos across the face.

"We're in public you fool!"

"It was a joke... unless you love me!" Kratos spoke, clutching his side as he busted out laughing. Yuan scowled.

"I didn't say that!"  
"And I thought it only happened when you were drunk," Kratos spoke, still in tears from laughing.

"Kratos shut up," Yuan growled, clenching his teeth as random people starred at the two.

"My dear lord Yuan, do you want me to hold you through the night?" This time he fell on the floor laughing. Yuan glared and kicked him (No not there D That'd be painful, he kicked him on the leg P)

"Denying it means it's true," Kratos spoke standing up. Yuan sighed and grabbed Kratos' hair and pulled his ear.

"Just shut up and we'll talk later,"

"Oh, Really?" Kratos asked, trying not to laugh. Yuan starred at the stage once more, what was taking them so long n.n

"Kratos!" Yuan sharply turned around when he heard the voice. Kratos also turned, then tripped over a random Coke can and fell into Yuan's arms.

"Mithos? I thought we killed you!" Kratos spoke stunned. Mithos shook his head. He was wearing an odd biker outfit. Odd.

"I went to Hawaii," Mithos spoke taking off his sunglasses. He starred at the two oddly.

"I got a tan and you two turned gay! Haha! Serves you right for falling in love with my sister!" Mithos spoke as he chucked a hotdog at Yuan and ran off. Yuan shrieked and dropped Kratos.

"Why did you drop me!" Kratos hissed standing up. Yuan starred, in fear, at the meaty fatty food in the demonic bun!

"It's made from pig..."

"Oh get over it Yuan! The pig is dead, and cooked!" Kratos yelled. Everyone ignored this sudden outburst except from one gothic chick.

"DAMN YOU ANIMAL KILLERS!" She yelled smacking Kratos against the head with her purse and charged off.

"Yuan, I need ice," Kratos whined holding his head. Yuan still starred at the hotdog.

"I'm not giving you if you don't pick up that 'thing' and throw it away," Yuan spoke, deeply afraid. Kratos looked at the hotdog.

"Oh for heaven's sake," Kratos spoke as he shoved the whole hotdog into his mouth and ate it.

"Thanks..." Yuan managed. Kratos sighed as he starred at the crowd.

"Yuan, there's something on your face," Kratos spoke looking over. Yuan twitched.

"What! Whatever it is get it off!" Yuan hissed. Kratos grinned and bent over and licked the mustard off Yuan's cheek like in that commercial. I love that commercial. Anyway!

"What the hell are you doing!" Yuan shrieked pushing Kratos away. Kratos, stunned, turned a dark red.

"You said get it off," Kratos spoke. Not wanting to logic with the auburn-haired angel, Yuan sighed. Secretly, he enjoyed it ( D )

"This vacation was a mistake," Yuan spoke holding his head in his hands. "I never thought I would be so annoyed with you, Kratos,"

"Sorry..." Kratos spoke, dis appointed. Sighing once more, he turned to Yuan.

"What can I do to make up for it?" Kratos asked, at least trying to make Yuan feel better.

"We'll talk after" Yuan said. Just then the Killers jumped onto stage blaring Mr. Brightside. Wh00t! ( I AM SO DANCING!)

"These are the Killers?" Kratos asked starring at the stage. Yuan bobbed his head up and down to the lyrics. Kratos, however, found the song entrancing. They exchanged glances.

"Yuan," Kratos began but Yuan hushed him then spoke once more.

"After.." He said seductively (Ok, that line just freaking creped me out D)

"o.O Ok" Kratos spoke.

"Hey you two! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE!" They turned their heads as Drew Carey came charging at them, riding a huge pig. Yuan flipped out and jumped into Kratos arms and screamed.

"Run Kratos!" He cried as Kratos charged off, carrying Yuan. It was another chase. They ran out of the concert, right at the end of Mr. Brightside, snivel.

"Don't let me down!" Yuan commanded burying his head into Kratos' chest. With a rolling of the eyes, Kratos ran to the elevators.

linebreak

"Thank you," Yuan spoke sitting down on his bed. Kratos locked the door tightly, and made sure no one was in the bathroom. Heheh, SOMETHING is on his mind.

"Whatever," Kratos replied grabbing a bag of cheese puffs. Yuan yawned and buried his face in his pillow.

"You tired?" Kratos asked, a little disappointed. Yuan's ear twitched.

"Why? Are you planning on sending packs of pigs on me at night?" Yuan hissed, face still buried. Even though Yuan couldn't see, Kratos just starred at Yuan. It was one of those awkward moments.

"No, I wasn't planning that," But Kratos shut himself up. He lightly smacked himself across the face for saying that. Outside the window Chitty Chitty Bang Bang flew by, following by the flying car in harry Potter, then flew by the Pope from Tales and the Pope in our world x3 Go popes!

Yuan turned his head so he could see Kratos. Man was that heat a rising. Ok, wierd ooc are done.

"Then what were you planning?" Yuan yawned. He looked out the window and Michael Jackson was flying in a hot air balloon along with Martha Stuart. O.o...

"It's nothing," Kratos said shoving cheese puffs into his mouth. Yuan sighed and got up.

"Where are you going?" Kratos spoke nervously. Yuan glanced over at Kratos.

"I'm just going to get changed, god," Yuan spoke walking into the bathroom. Now you see, Kratos checked this bathroom, well when Yuan walked in there was twenty garden gnomes, and five pigs with glowing red eyes in the shower. See, Yuan didn't notice this until he got undressed and saw in the mirror the hideous group of creatures in his shower x3!

"KRATOS!" Yuan yelled at the top of his lungs. Kratos jumped off his bed, first made sure nothing was on the floor to trip over, then ran into the bathroom. See, Yuan was completely undressed, and was screaming and pointing at the shower.  
"Yuan, what's wrong- Oh my fuc-" Kratos began as he shielded his eyes in horror. Yuan screamed louder.

"There are gnomes and pigs in the shower!"

"Put some damn clothes on Yuan! I don't need to see you naked!" Kratos hollered, face still buried in his hands. Yuan seemed very scared, and he was at all listening to Kratos.

"Get a broom and kill them Kratos! Kratos, do something! Grab the tv and freaking kill them! Smack them with boulders! Just do something!" The half-elf cried. Kratos bit down on his lip. Yuan wasn't listening to Kratos.

"You owe me for this," Kratos spoke clenching his teeth as he opened the shower. Ok this is where it gets really odd folks! The gnomes all starred at Kratos as the pigs charged at the naked Yuan (Lucky pigs 3!). Yuan screamed and jumped into Kratos arms.

"YUAN! GET THE FRIG OUT OF MY ARMS AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

Standing behind the gnomes was known other than... ok we all know this, yep, you guessed it! Drew Carey! Oh my god, someone just shoot them!

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Kratos yelled as the gnomes grinned evilly. Yuan buried his head into Kratos' chest, once again. Kratos felt in the most awkward position. In a bathroom, with a flipping out, nude Yuan, rabid pigs and Drew Carey O.-

"Kratos!" Yuan chimed. Kratos pouted then ran out of the bathroom and shut the door on the caotic scene. He set Yuan down on the bed then went over to his own bed and banged his head against his pillow multiple times.

"Thanks Kratos," Yuan managed as he grabbed his clothes and shoved them back on.

"Is it safe to look," Kratos spoke. Squinting his eyes, Yuan sighed.

"Yes."

Kratos looked over at Yuan, who was still shaken up about the evil pig syndrome.

"I checked that bathroom before you went in there," Kratos spoke. Yuan, shuttered, then looked over.

"Why is Drew Carey stalking us," Yuan pouted, he seemed awfully afraid. Just the thought of five evil pigs and twenty gnomes in your shower with Drew Carey could creep anyone out, well only Yuan.

"Yuan, are you going to be alright?" Kratos asked, Yuan was squeezing his pillow tightly. Man did Kratos want to be that pillow D Usually Yuan didn't act like this unless he was drunk. Which Kratos knew he wasn't drunk, for once.

"They aren't going to kill me are they?" Yuan spoke uneasily. Kratos tilted his head and laughed.

"No Yuan, I'll protect you," Kratos spoke. For some reason that comforted Yuan. But not completely. Yuan still was shaking. Shaking like a leaf.

"Yuan, do you" Kratos began and tried to think of the right words. "Want to sit over here with me for awhile until the pigs and Drew Carey leave?"

Yuan looked over, he looked so pitiful and helpless. Aww! x3

"Thanks," He spoke getting up and sat down next to Kratos. He rested his head against Kratos' shoulder and sighed.

"Why are you so afraid of pigs?" Kratos asked looking down at Yuan. Yuan didn't move his head.

"I have no clue, but I don't even want to tell you the story, please understand," Yuan spoke. Kratos sighed then smiled down at Yuan.

"Heh, whatever Yuan," Kratos yawned. "I'm going to go check on the Drew Carey situation,"

Yuan grabbed Kratos by the sleeve before he could get up.

"Don't leave, not yet," He spoke looking at Kratos. (I smell love! Or is that a bean taco? o.O) Kratos looked back at Yuan, un sure what to say.

"Why?" He challenged. "I'll be right back," Kratos spoke. Yuan sighed, helplessly as Kratos got up and went into the bathroom. All was quiet. No Drew Carey or pigs. Kratos grinned then opened the shower. There sat a HUGE wedge of cheese. I mean huge! It took up the whole shower!

"Cheese?" Kratos asked. If Kratos had it his way, it would be a cheese puff. Ignoring this un threatening wedge of dairy, he shut the door, locked it then walked back over to Yuan and sat down.

"..." Yuan just starred at Kratos. He looked like he wanted to say something, or more so DO something but didn't.

"Well I'm tired, G'night Yuan," Kratos yawned, as he laid down on the other side of the bed. Yuan just looked over at Kratos, unsure what to say.

"Oh, alright," He stuttered. Kratos rolled over and looked up at Yuan who was still sitting on the bed.

"Unless you don't want me to?" Kratos asked, a smirk rolled across his face.

"Do what you want," Yuan spoke. It was meant in two ways. Kratos just starred up at Yuan.

"Humph," Kratos spoke sitting back up. With a smile, Yuan looked back at Kratos.

"You know what I said earlier about hating this vacation and that I was becoming annoyed with you?" Yuan asked uneasily. Kratos gave a stiff nod.

"Well, there's no one else I would want to share this odd time off with then you," He spoke, shaking a little. Kratos starred back at Yuan.

"Does that mean?" Kratos began. Yuan nodded.

"Yes"

"Then let's go!" Kratos spoke getting up. Yuan looked stunned. Go? Go where.

"Go where?" Yuan asked. Kratos looked back at him.

"Oh, I thought you wanted to go for a beer," Kratos spoke, a slight grin rolling across his face. Just like an evil piggy. What a weird mind I have.

"No, I don't want to be drunk this time," Yuan spoke. Kratos looked at him, in dis-belief.

"If that's the way you want it," Kratos spoke, smirking.

* * *

Authors Note:  
That's all I'm going to say. Yep Yep. Ok what was my inspiration for Yuan being afraid of pigs? I have no clue. But It worked out I guess! x3 and Yes, I shall contiune this story and at all costs. It's turning out to be a humor but YuiexKratos story x3! See, I love this pairing! And I will contiune to! And the pairing Kraine shall burn in hell.. heh, sorry if that offends anyone.

And I think I should really start watching Drew Carey show again, maybe it will break my odd obession with him in my stories. But I still can't laughing over the gnomes, the pigs, and Drew Carey in the shower! Now, REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 5: Drunken Kratos

**If I have anyone to thank for inspiration on this chapter, it'd be meh beloved buddy. (huggles her) Thanks for helping me come up with random ideas! It helps writing humour when I'm in such a sour mood. You all know what I mean. You think everything is going fine then everything goes wrong. My boyfriend leaves, and none of my friends are in my classes and I'm stuck with the biggest slut and her sidekick in my homeroom. Terrific. Ugh, I hate this. I have mostly guys on my team, and two out of the three guys I liked are on the other team so i think it's a sign to say that I'll get with the one other guy. It scares me, I used to hate him till late last year. Ugh whatever, I want to write humour, it's terrific for a depressed person, lol I kind of think it's funny that I have no friends except one girl on my team. A challenge, a test to see if I can survive. Can mess with fate eh? I'd be stupid to try and mess with fate. I can live with this.**

Nall: You're boring everyone with your life story, Katra. Can you just shut the frig up and type the chapter before you drive me insane for the second time today? You play mind games, I swear.

Me: So cruel. You never really care how I feel. Oh! Whatever! I better start before I loose all my ideas, lol! And since this is Sabbatical you can defiently expect loads of humour, odd humour. As before, want the uncensored version? Check my Bio! Hehehe!

Warnings; Spoilers, Some Shonen-Ai, Language, Suggestive Themes. Celeberity Bashing!

"Yuan what's wrong?"

Kratos starred at Yuan curiously. The aqua-haired half-elf was starring, wide eyed at nothing. Well what seemed like nothing. On a table was a bowl, it seemed empty to Kratos, but why would Yuan be afraid of an empty bowl?

"Kratos, there's a seahorse in there!" Yuan warned wagging a finger at the bowl, still sitting on his bed, in fear. Sighing helplessly, Kratos stood up and walked over. Bending over, he buired his face against the glass and saw a tiny seahorse swimming around.

"It's a harmless little seahorse Yuan. It's sort of cute. Reminds me of you," He smirked. Yuan didn't notice this remark from Kratos, but seemed terrifed and leaned back against his pillows, shaking.

"Kratos! I hate seahorses almost as much as pigs! A seahorse bit my (beeeeeep you get the picture, LOL!)" Yuan shrieked burrying his head into his pillow. Raising an eyebrow, Kratos whirled around, stupified.

"A seahorse bit your what! How can a seahorse bite! And why would it bite.. that?" Kratos spoke, stubbornly. His glance went from the seahorse in the bowl then to Yuan who was cowering in fear. Sighing, Kratos walked over to Yuan.

"I'm serious Kratos!" Yuan complainied sadly. All the seraphim could do was laugh incredibly hard. Tears welled in his eyes as he clutched his side, trying not to die from laughter.

"Yuan, I'm sure that seahorse wasn't interested in you," Kratos laughed. Yuan didn't find this funny, and moaned angirily.

"Kratos stop acting like that! It really hurt," He whined once more. Kratos raised his eyebrow and grinned.

"One Sec!" He disappeared in the bathroom for awhile leaving Yuan to stare at the seahorse in the bowl. He could have sworn the seahorse snickered at him and grinned maniacally, but then again, Yuan didn't always see things like other people.

Kratos ran out of the bathroom wearing a seahorse outfit. Twitching a lot, Yuan shrieked at the top of his lungs in fear and twitched.

"Kratos!" He yelled and clutched his pillow tighter. Kratos laughed and then chimed in amusement.

"Yuan, I'm a seahorse!" He laughed, once again clutching his side in laughter. It was moments before Yuan's eyes widened.

"You're not going to bite my (beeeep) are you!" He complainied and burried his face into the pillow. Starring blankly, Kratos laughed and smirked at the halfelf.

"Oh, I'll save that for when I'm drunk," He joked. Yet Yuan took his remark very seriously. Poor guy. Yuan jerked and shouted at Kratos.

"Kratos!" He hissed. Kratos sighed and looked back at the seahorse, still in his outfit.

"I really don't think a seahorse bit you there," He sighed. Just then Drew Carey broke down his door, yet again.

"Kratos! Yuan! There you guys are!" He yelled hugging Kratos tightly. Trying not to laugh his head off, Yuan just snickered as Drew Carey huggled Kratos tightly. Shaking his head, Kratos twitched.

"I thought you wanted to kill us..." Kratos complained as Drew Carey squeezed them tightly. Drew Carey paused for a moment, then smiled at Kratos and began to laugh stupidly.

"Why are you dressed as a seahorse you know Yuan hates them," He spoke leaning against Kratos for support. This creeped Kratos out and he exchanged stern looks with Yuan. Kratos looked back at the celebreity.

"Wait, how did you know Yuan hates seahorses!" Kratos demanded. He was seriously stalking him, and it was starting to freak both seraphims out. Freak them out to the point of no return. Ha ha ha!

"Because Yuan, that wasn't a seahorse that bit your (censored xD) it twas me!"

Yuan shrieked so loudly it broke thousands upon thousands of windows all throughout the casino. Kratos covered his ears as Yuan shrieked in anger and confusion. Drew Carey just kept laughing and laughing. Yuan banged his head against the bed in rage. This vacation was a mistake. A mistake. A stupid idiotic (censored) mistake! Kratos looked over at Yuan who had just finally stopped yelling for his life.

"No no no!" Yuan complainied, almost in tears. Kratos just pondered for a moment then turned to Drew Carey who was petting the bowl which contained the seahorse. How cute!

"Drew! Get the frig out of here and leave us alone!" Kratos hollered angriliy, more in defense for Yuan. How cute x3! Kratos loves Yuan! Kratos loves Yuan! Ok the author shall shut up with her odd notes.

"Aww! But I love you guys!" He spoke as he took out a needle. A very sharp and pointy needle. Kratos' eyes widened as Drew Carey held the needle up in t he air with vegenace.

"What the fuck is that!" Kratos stammered as Drew Carey approached him, eviliy. The lights seemed to dim and his face was glowing like in those horror movie as he held the needle high up in the air. It was such a horror movie. He was grinning and laughing.

"It'll get your drunk and horney," He spoke, jumped up in the air, and ejected the shot into Kratos' arm. Kratos' glance met Yuan's and he sighed.

"This isn't good. Yuan, I'm sorry for anything I might do," Kratos spoke as Drew Carey ran out of the room , picked up the door and slammed it back in position. Yuan just starred at Kratos as he began to twitch oddly. It was many many moments before either Kratos or Yuan spoke. Yuan starred at Kratos, he had magically turned back into his lilac clothes. How convienent.

"Kratos, are you ok?" Yuan spoke, fearing the truth. Twitching his eyes, he waited for a response. Nothing, shrugging he stayed where he was before Kratos began to giggle loudly. Giggle? Kratos? Yuan raised an eyebrow and stayed on his bed, in fear.

"I have superpowers Yuan," Kratos chimed, looking intently at Yuan. His gaze was just starring at him. It worried him but he answered.

"What kind..." Yuan was afraid to ask. Knowing Kratos it'd be meat vision. How odd was that seraphim?

"X-Ray Vision. Hehehe nice (censored! Ha Ha ha!)," Kratos spoke looking down. Yuan gagged in shock and chucked the pillow at Kratos in furry.

"You sick pervert!" He hissed. Kratos suddenely looked extremely sad all of a sudden. Yuan tilted his head and sighed.

"What's wrong Kratos? Is something wrong? Drew Carey didn't mean it. Just calm down," Yuan ranted, trying to make Kratos calm down, knowing what Kratos could do when he got like this.

"Yuan-" Kratos began but was cut off.

"I'll have to kill Drew Carey later. Anwyays you know this will pass. Come on Kratos, is something bothering you? A dream or-" This time it was Yuan who was cut off rudely.

"Yuan! Shut up! I got my period ok!" He yelled covering his face. Yuan twitched.

"That's impossible Kratos. You're a guy..."

"Oh, then it was Zelos.. nevermind"

"Weirdo!" Yuan hissed and ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

He was shaking as he breathed heaviliy. First Drew Carey admiting he had biten him, as odd as it sounded, and now Kratos was a horney bastard. Perfect. Sighing, Yuan looked over at the bathtub. There sat Zelos humming ashe put rubber duckies on the edge of the bath and then made quacking sounds as he smacked them into the water.

"Zelos, what are you doing here again?" Yuan spoke bitterly. At first he was awaiting a response from Zelos but Kratos voice came through the other side of the door, seeming oddly pleased when he talked.

"Zelos is here! Splendid! Then it can be a threesome!" He spoke gleefully. Yuan twitched, and shook his head in confusion. What the frig was going on. That answer would never be answered, seeing Kratos had just then blasted the door to pieces and hugged Yuan tightly. He kissed him and shoved him agtainst the shower.

"Kratos! You drunk jackass!" Yuan spoke shoving Kratos off of him. His neck was now sore from being shoved against the metal part of the built in shower. Poor Yuan. Kratos grinned and then licked his lips. Weird.

"Got some whip cream meh Yuie?" He asked, magically making a door appear and he locked it. Man, can't these people make up their minds on whether they have a door or they don't! I mean come on! You either have a door or not! Ugh!

"Kratos... stop," Yuan spoke. Too late, Kratos had already got undressed (Squeak!) and was approaching Yuan. This moment was incredibly awkward but just got even worse form zelos chiming from his bathtub.

"heh! Round two!" Zelos spoke manically. Yuan twitched and tried to avoid Kratos, trying not to stare at him. Trying, yes he was trying. 

"Kratos, why are you acting like this! It sounds like you want to have erm.. cheese with me," Yuan spoke, trying to dart around the subject.

"Does that displease you Yuie," He chimed. Yuan squinted and shivered everytime Kratos called him 'Yuie'.

"I don't like cheese. And we are not having cheese!" Yuan hissed angriliy, still trying not to look at Kratos. No use.

"Yuie! I'm a grown man! I'll have sex anytime I want to!" Kratos yelled. Zelos squeaked from his bathtub and chucked a rubber duckie at Yuan's head.

"Kratos, it's cheese..." He spoke, shuttering from Kratos' choice of words. Zelos could be heard quacking like an idiot in the background, still chucking rubber duckies at Yuan. Sharply turning his head, Yuan glanced at Zelos.

"Stop it!" He hissed. Kratos then wrapped his arms around Yuan. Man did he have a tight grasp. Sucks for Yuan. He he he! Yuan became tense and tried to pull Kratos off of him. No use, yet again. Kratos shoved him in the shower then squeaked as Zelos chucked a can of whip cream at Kratos.

"Thankies Zellieeee!" Kratos chimed, sing song as he turned back to Yuan.

"Agh!" Yuan yelled as he pushed past Kratos and banged on the bathroom door. "Open you freakin door!" He hissed and banged his head against the door. By now Kratos was squirting whip cream all over himself (What a spiffeh visual image x)) and was squirting some at Yuan playfully. Alittle TOO playfully.

"Help!" He yelled and banged his head against the door harder this time. Finally the door thacked open and he ran out into the bathroom and jumped through the window like in one of those action movies.

He was flying down down down. Atleast he was granted an eternal damnation so he wouldn't die. To say the least. Sighing, he leaned back as he fell down to the ground. On his fall, he could have sworn he saw Colette making out with Drew Carey in a room. Shrugging off the disturbing thought, Yuan contiuned to spazz out at his apending doom. Looking down, thinking it was all over, The snapple lady from Celebrity Fit Club came out of no where and caught Yuan.

"Got him!" She yelled. The trainer from the show clapped.

"Terrific! Now the next person must catch the next person to fall out of the hotel," The trainer spoke. Yuan twitched as he jumped out of her arms and began to run to the entrance to the hotel. He had a good reason, Big Bird and Hungry Skunks were after him. They wanted him for dinner. Yummeh!

"Accccck!" Yuan shrieked and ran into the hotel as Big Bird ran through the halls chasing after Yuan until Michael Ross (LOL! You know the raper. Ok maybe you DON'T know, well some people do!) shot Big Bird and laughed manically.

"I hate this..." Yuan spoke shaking. He was in the main hall and the smell of coffee drifted towards him. Atleast some coffee could help. But before he had managed to run to get his coffee, Kratos came out of no where, squeaked and huggled Yuan tightly.

"There you are my sexy Yuie!" He yelled as he squeezed Yuan very tightly. Yuan twitched and looked at the random people pass by. One Asian lady shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"Oi! Gay Men!" She yelled, and ran away in fear. Yuan squinted his eyes, annoyed at the drunk and drugged Kratos. He didn't mind Kratos being mushy when he wasn't drunk, but when he was drunk he knew his feelings were artifical and he never meant what he said. Such a waste.

"Yuie! I want you! Wanna go back up to the room?" He chimed hugging the seraphim tighter. Yuan shook his head then suddenely Kratos ran to the smal Ben And Jerry's ice cream stand in Mohegan Sun. Kratos giggled and Yuan shook his head, confused.

"Yuie, Ben and Jerry are gay and they made ice cream! Let's try making something!" He spoke winking. Yuan twitched and shreiked as Kratos compltely creeped him out. Make what! What the hell did Kratos want to make. That just scared Yuan. Scared him so much.

"Damnit Kratos, I hate when you're like this. I don't want you drunk so much, cause then we can't," He was speaking loudly and many people had stopped to look at him. Growling Yuan flaid his arms in the air.

"What the hell are you all looking at!" Yuan howled as the people scurried away. Yuan sighed then turned to Kratos who was grinning eviliy. Yuan just watched him before Kratos spoke so loudly, everyone could hear.

"I got a seahorse in my boxers. Wanna get it out for me!" Kratos yelled. Everyone in the casino dropped what they were doing, and just starred at the seraphim. Yuan smacked himself, and pretended he didn't even know Kratos. He hummed but Kratos spoke up onced more.

"Yuie guess what! I like my men crispy on the outside, soft in the inside, heh, and on a pole!" He giggled. Yuan twitched as everyone began to ignore this obviously bi man's ouburts. Yuan twitched and buried his head into his hands and muttered.

"Kratos, I hate you," He spoke. Kratos looked over at him.

"What's wrong meh Yuie!" he chimed.

"I saw into my future and it was hideious," he spoke, giving darty looking at Kratos eviliy. Kratos starred blankly, then understood that he meant him. Kratos chimed loudly and hugged Yuan like Yuan did to him so many times before. Kratos then suddenely spoke once more.

'Tornado's are wild, untamed, dangerous, and raw, just like me, hehehe better watch out Yuie!" Kratos spoke licking Yuan's ear. Yes he licked Yuan's ear. He did! Yuan jumped back and ran away from Kratos. So so far away.

"Stay away!" He yelled, wiping off his ear, in rage.

"Yuie! Come Back! I didn't get to get to the good part of da licking!" He chimed, licking his lips. Yuan starred at him and ran faster. He was starring back at Kratos and had banged into a random bench.

"What the," He growled as he rubbed his knee, in pain. Although he knew Drew Carey was behind all this stuff with Kratos, it still burned him inside. Yuan twitched his ear and heard Kratos.

"Oh Yuie! Where art tho! I am feeling ubberly lonely and need some loving from you!" Yuan shuttered as he heard Kratos. Ignoring the pain, he ran for the elvators. He starred at the closed doors for a few seconds, and decided he'd better take the stairs, although he was in such pain. Sighing, he made his way up the stairs.

Entering his room, he locked the doors and locked himself in the bathroom. First he made sure no unwelcomed guests had made residence in his bathroom. Cost was clear, he changed into his awesomely sexy night gown, which was the color of his hair might I add, and walked out in the hotel room and sat down and looked up at the ceiling.

"I hate when Kratos get's like this," He complanied and leaned on his side. What a nusiance it was trying to keep Kratos in check. Such an idiot. It wasn't long before Kratos opened the door, although it was locked and jumped onto the bed on top of Yuan.

"Yuie! There you are! Mesa been looking for you all night!" Kratos chimed as he hugged Yuan tightly. Twitching, Yuan cursed himself for changing into a night gown while Kratos was drunk. Such a bad idea. Such a bad bad bad idea.

"Kratos get off me," Yuan replied bitterly. Kratos tilted his head and grinned.

"Yuie wants to be on top, eh?" He asked, flushed in the cheeks. Squinting his eyes, Yuan bared his teeth angriliy.

"Kratos, just cut it out!" He warned. Too late, Kratos had begun to sing BellyDancer By Akon. Yet another Akon song. When will the agony stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!

"Kratos, I'm not going to do it with you when you're drunk," He spoke as he bit down on his lips and managed to escape Kratos' grasp. Well that was a wasted effort seeing Kratos sprung to his feet and pushed Yuan against a wall. He was better off on the bed. Poor Yuan!

"Yuie is naughty!" Kratos chimed as he licked Yuan's ear, yet again. Was he becoming obessed with Yuan's ear! Does Yuan's ear taste good! Does it! (licks it) Mm Kratos is right!

"Kratos stop," Yuan warned but Kratos licked Yuan's hair. (Might I add it is so damn good. Tastes' like blueberry x)). Yuan hissed but Kratos licked the side of his face then lips then his neck. Yuan twitched.

"Kratos! Stop it now!" He demanded. Nope, no luck. Kratos licked the bathrode, yes he licked Yuan's bathrode, he is drunk and drugged, remember that! Yuan glared and flinched as Kratos huggled Yuan then grinned.

"Heheh Yuie gonna get his well deserved punishment from Dr.LoveTonuge!" He spoke licking Yuan's face and licked his robe, yet again. Dr.Lovetonuge! What the frig did Kratos have in mind. Yuan was obviously frightened to find out and he smacked Kratos upside the head. That must have worked seeing Kratos felt his head.

"You.. smacked me?" He asked, finally not chiming. See Yuan squeaked when he's drunk and Kratos chimes. Just someting about seraphims. Kratos eyed Yuan, who looked awfully displeased.

"Ack! I'm so sorry Yuan! Last thing I remember is Drew Carey shoving a needle at me," Kratos spoke, with his beloved puppy dog eyes. Yuan sighed then looked at Kratos, wanting to tell him everything, but didn't.

"Nah, it's alright. Anyways, glad you'r e back, again," Yuan hissed fixing his bathrode. Kratos nodded but just starred at Yuan as he layed down, almost falling asleep. Jumping out a window and running away from a sex-craved, erm cheese-craved maniac can do that to you.

"Yuan.." He suddenely called out. Yuan cracked open an eye.

"Hmmm?"

"Do you want to.. erm.. contiune?"

"Contiune? I thought you had no memory of what just happened when you were drunk!"

"I wasn't drunk a few minutes ago..."

"You.. you sick bastard!"

"Now Yuan, I woke up from my trance when I started to lick your robe..."

"And you contiuned to!"

"Yea..."

"Kratos, you're a sick pervert.."

"Heh, I liked it."

"What!"

"Yea, I liked it."

"O.O"

"Calm down Yuan."

"So, you're saying you like licking me!"

"Hmm, in a way.."

"Oh fine whatever. Do what you want."

"Lemme guess, you liked it also Yuan?"

"I um..."

"Admit it, Yuan."

"Yes.."

"Then let's contiune!" Kratos spoke cheerfully as Yuan sighed and could only smile back at Kratos.

**Author's Note:**

These are the times where I wish I was Kratos. man! He got to lick Yuan's ear multiple times and now he gets to lick Yuan! Lucky Bastard! I wish I was Kratos right now! Like I said, I can't write a chapter of Sabbatical without my usual perverted parts. Mwahaha! I hope you liked this chapter. Yea, I added parts I didn't tell you about meh buddy. See See! I can't end a chapter without the usual love scenes! LOL! Man, Yuan's ear must taste good! LOL! Please Review so I actually know who read this!


	6. Fudge is God's Food

I finally got some inspiration for the newest installment! Thank you NJHS teacher appreication day! Without you, this wouldn't be possible. And you Andrea, thank you so much! Without you I don't think I would be writing this, especially with so much randomness. You're so filled with ideas. mwahah

Nall: Can you please shut up and write?

me: Fine fine..

Nall: This chapter will have the usual yaoi and stuff, not as strong rating this chapter. Mostly just stupid stuff about...

Me: FUDGE!

* * *

Beware the typos, and the odd midle (I was bored so I threw in some non-humour as a filler)

* * *

Sabbatical  
Chapter Six: Fudge Is God's Food

* * *

"Wake up, Yuan." Kratos poked Yuan a few times in the side of the arm. Twitching irratibley, Yuan cracked open and eye and starred blankly at Kratos. This was their seventh day at this place, and the daily rountines were getting boringsome. Forutantely, something new is always happeneing in a casino.

"What now?" Yuan growled, squinting his eyes at Kratos.

"Drew Carey is really upset," Kratos sighed heaviliy, sitting down on the edge of Yuan's bed.

"Oh, grand. What now?" Yuan was half-listening as he pulled the blanket over his head.

"Listen," Kratos pulled the blanket down so he could see Yuan's face. "He claims Devon broke up with him and now is going out with Jim Carrey." Kratos explainied.

"Might I ask you how the hell is Devon?" Yuan rubbed his forehead. Head aches were becoming an usual.

"Some fourteen year old boy," Kratos murmured.

"Isn't that illegal?" Yuan asked, tilting his head.

"Believe so. Then again, the authoress of this story has daydreams of much more illegal stuff then that," Kratos began. Oddly, he found himself stopping. Humph, teach he a lesson for talking crap about me!

"I bet the police will arrest Drew!" Yuan spoke hopefully.

"Doubt it."

"Put him in jail for a day?"

"Nope."

"Put him in a padded room in an asyalum."

"Defientley not."

"Put him in a retirement home?"

"Yuan, he's in our bathroom." Kratos stopped Yuan from his insane guesses.

"I told you, I don't want him in our room!" Yuan snapped, throwing a pillow at Kratos.

"This isn't our room, Yuan." Kratos pointed out.

"Ok, I don't want him our rented room, damnit!" Yuan snapped about to slap across.

"Show come compassion," Kratos pouted, trying to feel sorry for Drew Carey.

"The only compassion you should be feeling is for me, got it!" Yuan spoke, clenching his fists tightly. Snickering, Kratos got up and grabbed his drink from the table. "Don't tell me you're going to get drunk this early in the morning..."

"One drink won't get me drunk." Kratos advised.

"Krrrrattttiiieee."

"Krattie? Now he's calling you 'Krattie'!" Yuan spoke, obviously jealous by now. Arising to his feet angriliy, Yuan placed a hand on his hip and starred the seraphim in the eye.

"Not my idea," Kratos began.

"Kratttiiiieee I need my spongebath now."

"Sponge.. bath?" Yuan spoke, turning a dark red from rage.

"Yuan, it's not what you think," Kratos began, turning pale.

"How dare you cheat on me with Drew Carey. You bastard," Yuan snapped leaving the hotel room with a slamming of the door. Kratos sighed and shook his head with dread.

"Krattie?"

"Coming, damnit." Kratos huffed bitterly.

By now Yuan was pissed beyhond belief. You really shouldn't upset someone by confessing you're cheating on them, especially after you got layed the night before by them. Ahem. Anyways, Yuan walked down the hallway leaving the hotel and to the casino. Glancing around, he noticed a snackbar. Maybe it had drinks.

"Excuse me, do you have any beer?" Yuan asked, walking up to the counter.

"No." The man spoke, as if was puffing his cheeks out on purpose.

"Wine?" Yuan asked hopefully.

"No."

"Whisky?"

"No."

"Any alocholic beverage?" Yuan asked pitifully.

"I do have this weed-" The guy began.

"I'm not that dense to get jacked up off that shit," Yuan murmured looking downward.

"Aren't you Yuan?" The man spoke.

"And just who the hell are you?" Yuan leaned against the counter suspiouscly.

"Don't you recongize me? I did that Burger King Commerical last Christmas! You know! Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. I work at Burger king-" The man began singing that idiotic song.

"Shut it!" Yuan hissed flipping him off. Why is Yuan so mean? Because Kratos just cheated on him, duh! Keep up!

"Fine, leave." The guy spoke taking the broom from the kitchen and chasing Yuan out of the snackbar.

"Someone has a bug up their ass," Yuan murmured walking down the hallway. After a few minutes, Yuan had finally come to a stage in the middle of the casino filled with slot machines. Pausing, Yuan walked up and looked at the banner and read it outloud.

"Fifth annual fudge eating contest. The winner will receive a full massage and day at our high class spa, and be able to preform live with The Killers." Yuan paused and starred at it.

"Fudge eating contest? That ought to be easy. If I win this, I'm pretty sure I can win Kratos back," Yuan smirked eviliy for a moment then nodded to himself. "Precisely, I'll enter, and win."

Walking over to a table of people with paper, Yuan cleared his throat and looked at them hopefully.

"Are you here to sign up for the fudge eating contest?" One lady asked, holding a pencil.

"Erhm yes."

"Name?" She asked, about to write it down.

"Yuan."

"Last name?"

"Um.." Yuan paused and felt himself turn scarlet. What the hell was his last name.

"Sir?" The lady asked, looking back up at him. Sighing, Yuan beant over and whispered it into her ear. She nodded and wrote it down. DAMNIT. Why can't we ever learn his last name. Fine, be secretive Yuan! You won't earn Kratos back that way. Baffoon!

"When does it start?" Yuan asked, crossing his arms.

"A few hours. We'll call you over the intercom," She smiled brightly. Just then Yuan had an idea. The lightbulb flashed on in his head, and he thought of the perfect way to make Kratos jealous. Now was the time to turn on his chick magnatism.

"Hey, if you're not busy with sign ups, care to go for a latte?" Yuan asked. He had no idea what a latte was, but he did remember a commerical for one.

"R-really?" She asked, a little stunned.

"Mhm," God this was as easy as pie. _Maybe I should forget Kratos and start dating girls again. This is so much easier_ Yuan thought to himself.

"Alright," She smiled. _Then again, she's just a pawn in my plan _Yuan pondered for a few more minutes.

"Then let's go," He smiled. A fake smile. She arose to her feet, stunned by the sudden offer and walked next to Yuan with a glittering smile. They began to walk down the casino to the nearest Star Bucks Coffee.

"So, what's your name?" Yuan asked, distant-minded. He was still thinking about Kratos. Just thinking about what he could be doing right now with Drew Carey sickened him to the point of no return.

"Rachel," She stated simply crossing her arms. "I have to ask you this."

"What?" Yuan asked, installing her name in his head.

"Why is your hair blue. I mean, it's nice and all, but why did you decide to die it blue?" She asked, taking her black hair out of her bun. _I can't tell her it's naturally like this. I'll just lie. Yes, lieing is perfect._

"I was part of a band, and I thought dying it might be a good choice," Yuan fumbled through the lie.

"Oh really! No wonder you want to win that fudge eating contest," Rachel smiled.

"Uh... oh right, exactly," Yuan thought. _Oh shit. if I actually win this, I'll have to sing on stage with The Killers. Terrific._

"The Starbucks is right ahead," Rachel pointed out.

"Right," Yuan sighed and walked in with her. After they ordered their drinks, they sat down at the only avaible half booth. So basically, Yuan was forced to sit right next to her. Like an inch apart. Glancing around, Yuan's heart stopped. Sitting at the other part of the cafe was none other then Kratos and Drew Carey. Biting down on his lip angirliy, Yuan sharply averted his gaze back at Rachel. Sadly, Kratos had noticed Yuan also and starred at them curiously. Time to make Kratos j-e-a-l-o-u-s

"So, Rachel, are you here on vacation with your boyfriend?" Yuan asked vaguely. Looking out of the corner of the eye ocassionally to see if Kratos was looking.

"I don't have one. My husband died in a car accident. How about you?" She asked, stirring her coffee.

"My fiance died years ago, then my former relationship just ended," Yuan sighed heaviliy.

"I'm sorry to hear that," She whispered, taking a sip.

"Yea... I am too," Yuan glanced down at his drink and thought back at all the good times with Kratos. Even this trip was heaven, because he was with him.

"She must have been insane to let you go," Rachel spoke softly. Yuan glanced back at her and shrugged.

"I suppose," Yuan sighed taking a sip, trying to get his mind of the seraphim.

"Hey, after the contest, want to go see the fireworks with me? I heard it's awesome there," She smiled.

"Hmm?" Yuan spoke then nodded. "yea, sure." He sighed.

"All contestants for the fudge eating contest, please report back to the center stage. Thank you." The intercom announced.

"Let's go," Rachel smiled as she got up with Yuan. She grabbed his hand and lead him out of the resturant. With one final glance back at Kratos, Yuan saw Kratos' face completely pale from stunned, looking away, Yuan followed Rachel.

"Welcome all contestants! This is the fifth annual fudge eating contest! As stated, the prizes are absoultely wonderous! Now, competors, take your places." The annoucner declared. Yuan glanced at Rachel before heading onto stage.

"Good luck," She smiled.

"Thanks." He lightly smiled and got on stage.

"Take your seats. On the count of three," Yuan sat down at the third seat in and starred at the wedge of fudge on the platter. It was basically the size of a large laptop. And it was as thick as a dictornary. Webster's that is!

"Good grief," Yuan murmured starring at the fudge. At least it was chocolate. Everybody loves chocolate fudge!

"One," Yuan glanced out into the audience and scanend it. "Two." There he was.. Kratos. Standing with Drew Carey, as expected. What the hell was Kratos on to be in love with that.. that thing! "Three!" the timer went off and Yuan was blasted out of his thoughts and starred at the fudge.

"Fudge... you're going down," Yuan snickered and began to eat fudge. God.. now he gets to eat fudge! Yummy! About a quarter of the way through the fudge, half of the competeors had been elimanted. As he ate, he kept his eyes on Rachel. If he starred at Kratos, the seraphim would get ideas. _Come on. Eat! Win that damn prize and make Kratos jealous as hell._ Yuan kept telling himself.

"Eat the fudge! Come on eat!" The annoucner spoke yelling into people's ears. Angriliy, Yuan took a piece of his fudge and smuthered it all in his face. "AACK.. yum. This is good fudge!" The guy spoke licking his face. A sweat drop rolled off Yuan's face as he contiuned to eat the fudge. Eat the ffuuuudgge.

"You can do it, Yuan!" Rachel screamed from the sidelines. Turning a dark scarlet, Yuan contiuned to eat the fudge faster. Halfway through now, there were five competors left. Some fat guy, Dr. Eggman, George Bush, and Bob Koffman (from bob's discount furniture).

"And in a triumphant defeat, George Bush is elimnated," The annoucner declared as Bush pushed the fudge away.

"I"m you're president and you declare defeat upon me! I'll have this state bull-dozed!" George Bush threatened.

"Come on George, it's some good fun. We all love you," The announcer stutterted. George walked off stage. Yuan tried not to crack up as he contiuned to eat. Next to fall was Dr. Eggman.

"Excepting another defeat in his life, Dr. Eggman is out!" The announcer declared as Eggman rolled off stage about to be sick. Now there was three.

"Come on, Yuan!" Rachel screamed. Yuan glanced up at her to see her jumping from the sidelines cheering him on. _I'm leading her on, just to make Kratos jealous. What piece of filth am I?_ Yuan sighed and contiuned on the last quarter of his fudge. Next to fall was the fat man. Now it was against Bob Koffman and Yuan.

"Give it up, Yuan. You can't beat me, King of the Sofas and Fudge!" Bob laughed eviliy from a few seats away. Yuan glared at him.

"Shut it up, mattress boy." Yuan turned his glance away and finished his fudge. Bob starred blankly, in utter defeat.

"And the new-comer, Yuan, has wiped out the competetion!" The announcer spoke walking over to him. _I am never eating any more fudge in my life_ Yuan sighed.

"As winner, I give you one back-stage to the concert for that special someone, you're proth of victory, and two passes to the Daily Spa!" The man clapped and everyone clapped. Yuan smiled lightly and looked at the people. Everyone was clapping, except Kratos. Something flickered in his eyes as he starred blankly. As if it could get anymore akward, Rachel ran onstage and flung her arms around him playfully.

"I knew you were a fudge champion when I saw you," She joked hugging him tightly. _Oh fuck.._Yuan looked out at the crowd at Kratos. His face went pale as he turned around and walked away. _Well, I succeded. But why do I feel so low?_ Yuan glanced at Rachel clinging to him. _That's right.. I'm lieing to this poor human._

"I'll meet you at the concert later tonight, okay Rachel?" Yuan spoke with a sigh and passed her the other ticket. She smiled widely and blushed.

"T-thanks. I thought there wasn't a guy with a pure heart, but I guess I was wrong," She closed her eyes and left in a hurry turning a dark scarlet. _Guy with a pure heart? She musn't know me.. I am far from perfect. Worse then that. I'm gay. God damnit!_

Yuan made it back to his and Kr-, I mean the hotel room he shared with a certain someone. He closed his eyes and flung himself on his bed and gave a heavy sigh. Something felt different. Opening his eyes, he was stunned to death. Everything was made of fudge! Absolutely everything! Even the bed. Stunned, Yuan got up and glanced around.

"Fudge, doesn't it make you think?" Kratos spoke walking out of the bathroom and glared icily at Yuan.

"You made everything in the room out of fudge just to piss me off, didn't you?" Yuan asked, clenching his fist.

"No, I did it for fun. No shit Yuan! And besides, I don't mind you and your little 'girlfriend'. Take her, but as long as you're being like this, I want you the fuck out of my room!" Kratos yelled at Yuan. _WHAT! Where was it in the deal that I'd be kicked out of the room!_ Yuan thought to himself.

"You can't do that, you ass!" Yuan began.

"I can do as I please. You're not the boss of me anymore."

"Kratos, I never told you to do anything."

"Oh really? And now you're out picking up any girl you can find. You're fucking gay and yet you're picking out whores? Pathetic," Kratos snickered.

"Don't you dare call her a -" Yuan began but then stopped. How did this happen? _Me and Kratos have been through so much. So much funny crap, so much stupid crap. What the hell is going on? He protected me from those pigs... and now? Now he's with the one person I hate, and I'm with some random chik I found. Since when did this whole thing turn into a sappy soap opera!_

"And for you're information, I'm not with him, Yuan. I was trying to tell him there's people out there better for him then Devon. Why the hell would I want to be with some fat fag like him?" Kratos asked.

"You were with him at the cafe," Yuan snapped.

"I was trying to help him find someone to get with. That was until you and that girl walked in together," Kratos looked down.

"Kratos, I don't have time for this," Yuan murmured.

"I know, you have to go sing," Kratos sighed.

"Yea.." Yuan spoke uneasily. "And I want you to be there," Yuan stutterted. "I want the old Kratos back, damnit."

"What about you're 'bitch'?" Kratos asked.

"Shit... that's right."

"Wait, I've got an idea. Trust me on this Yuan," Kratos grinned and placed a hand on Yuan's shoulder.

"Kratos," Yuan whispered.

"Yes?"

"I missed you..." Yuan spoke, resting his head upon Kratos' shoulder and began to lightly cry.

"I'm sorry... everything will be ok. I love you, remember that," Kratos spoke running a hand through Yuan's hair. "Let's go sabbatical-fy this chapter," kratos grinned and grabbed Yuan's hand and dragged him down to the concert.

"But you don't have a ticket," Yuan complainied, as Kratos raced with him down to the concert hall.

"So?" Kratos grinned.

"Stubborn as ever," Yuan spoke.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" The voice commonly known as Drew Carey come from behind them.

"It's for you," Yuan spoke with a sigh.

"Leave us alone for the final time!" Kratos yelled, holding Yuan's hand tightly as they charged down the hall. Yuan glanced over his shoulder and saw Drew Carey riding a huge chariot and was dressed up as the God Of The Sea with men dressed up as dolphin running by his side.

"Don't look now," Yuan cracked up.

"I know..." Kratos grinned as they ran into the concert hall and to the room where supposedely the band was. Sadly, it was a closet. Kratos glanced around and looked over at Yuan from the darkness.

"We're in a closet," kratos began but Yuan shoved a huge chunk of fudge in his mouth.

"Fudge!" Kratos squeaked.

"Squeaking is my thing," Yuan pouted.

"Shut up and have some fudge!" Kratos cheerfully replied.

"Let's just get out of this closet then we'll-" Yuan began as he reached for the doorknob. "We're locked in." Yuan hung his head down.

"But we have fudge," Kratos pointed out.

"I'm going to miss the concert.." Yuan sighed.

"But we have fudge."

"I'll never have a chance to preform live in this world."

"But we have fudge."

"I'll never be able to dedicate a song to you..."

"But we have- you what?" Kratos began then lightly smiled.

"Dedicate a song to you," Yuan snickered.

"What song?" Kratos asked, eating more fudge.

"Does it matter!"

"Is it a kinky song or a slow one?" Kratos asked.

"Since when did you say 'kinky'?"

"It's better then saying seductive or sexy," Kratos replied.

"But it really ends the mood," Yuan complainied.

"But.. that's what fudge is for!"

"Are you suggesting we have sex while eating fudge O.o?"

"Maybe..." Kratos grinned then ate more fudge and laughed. "Kidding. I only will eat one thing in that situation."

"I could deal without the perverted comments right now. I need to get to that concert," Yuan pouted.

"You only wanted to dedicate a song to me, correct?" Kratos asked.

"Yea, exactly."

"Then sing here, now. I've got fudge, were in a dark place, just the two of us. What else do you need?" Kratos grinned.

"Good point."

"Hey, one thing Yuan," Kratos asked.

"What?"

"I've been wondering. How was the meatloaf?"

"The meatloaf?" Yuan asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, the meatloaf with the white stuff on it. I hope it was mannoyise. Please say it was.." Kratos began.

"Kratos, I have no clue what you're talking about."

"Forget it. Anyways, I have to tell you something else."

"Go ahead."

"Did you know that the authoress of this story had a conversation about twinkies with five boys and she made people bow down to her twinkie, then gave it to someone and they took off the plastic. And they said it was good!" Kratos chimed hap- HEY WAIT A SECOND! IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE PERVERTED! THE GUYS I SIT WITH JUST ARE THAT WAY. COME ON KRATOS! THAT WAS MEAN T.T

"Funny stuff," Yuan snickered.

"Anyways, about that song," Kratos poked Yuan's elbow.

"Fine what song?" Yuan asked.

"How about... I don't know. You pick."

"Kratos.. we have a problem."

"Yes?"

"We're out of fudge..."

AN:

Yes, it wasnt' as funny as expected but still... at least it was a chapter. I tried my best. Next chapter will be better, I promise. And yes, I did that kratos/yuan fake break up randomly. So that Yuan could confess to himself that he really was gay. LMAO! Anyways, next chapter soon. And how could they eat all that fudge..


	7. Fear Factor!

The new chapter of sabbatical, dun dun dun! Inspired by my buddy Andrea for ideas, and dedication to Devon cause he loves Drew Carey (or did until he broke up with him to date Jim Carrey) Erhm, anyways, enjoy this chapter :) And yes this is the final chapter. Sad sad. There is a VERY short epilogue after this, (VERY SHORT) but this is the only good chappie left.

And yes, dedicatd to Andrea!

Sabbatical  
Chapter Seven: Fear Factor & A Druken Night

The next morning the two, erm couple, or um partners (either way I say it, it makes them sound like they are sex partners, lol.) made their way down to the casino. You see, there was a huge competition being held at Mohegan Sun! Isn't there always? Anyways, today was the signups and beginnings of the special Edition Fear Factor, Gay Couples Edition. Why? Because the host, Joe Whatshisname, secretley loves gay guys. No offense to you Joe, we love you. Or do we?

"Come on Yuan, let's sign up." Kratos pouted, but remained a stern face.

"I don't want the whole world to know we're gay, you idiot," Yuan stammered, uneasily as they walked side by side to the signups. Wait, that didn't sound that good. How about.. they skipped side by side, hands tightly clasped together. Yes, that sounds more smexy. (Yuan bashes me upside the head) Ok forget the skipping.

"Names?"

"Kratos Aurion." Kratos spoke proudly. The dude, Joe whatshisname, looked up at Kratos.

"What a queer name... I like it!" He spoke. Yuan twitched and watched as the man glanced over in his direction.

"Name?"

"Yuan." He replied.

"You don't look chinese..."

"I'm not!"

"But Yuan is chinese-" Joe protested.

"It isn't!" Yuan hollered back.

"Pfft, fine. Last name?" Joe murmured, licking his pencil. He did that when he got annoyed. ( and no victor, not 'his' pencil, perv heheh)

"Aurion," Kratos chimed in.

"So you're married, interesting." Joe murmured and finished writing it down with his pencil. Kratos moved a few steps away from the signups with Yuan.

"Since when are we married?" Yuan asked uneasily.

"You don't have a last name, remember?" Kratos sighed.

"Oh right."

"Hey look," Kratos pointed over at the signups. Standing before it was none other than Drew Carey and... Devon? Since when did Devon become a usual in my story anyhow? Devon, get out of here (he laughs eviliy) ok... fine you can stay.

"Isn't that the fourteen year old guy Drew was dating?" Yuan asked curiously.

"Yes, let's just hope he didn't la-" Kratos began.

"Would you stop using vile language about Drew Carey. It gives me bad thoughts," Yuan shuddered. Following Drew and Devon was the last gay couple... erm... um... god damnit, I don't know any other gay guys! (thinks hard) Oh wait! The third gay couple was Marcus and david (Laughing my ass off) Just kidding, it was Bob Koffman, from bob's discount furniture, and the King off of the Burger King commericals? This is screwed up on so many levels.

"I'm coming out of the closet!" Sung Bob in the background.

"Shut uppppp," Devon sung backwards.

"Is this some sort of musical?" Kratos sang to Yuan.

"I suppose, but why?" Yuan tried to sing back. Glasses broke and big fat men wearing red suits surrounded Yuan with big flashy guns.

"I suggest you not sing," Kratos sang awesomley to his partner. The men left and Yuan sighed.

"All contestants for Fear Factor, please come back behind this inflatable wall." Joe spoke. The three couples walked up and watched him diligantly.

"Ok, you'll have to decide on your team color before we can start anything." Joe spoke grinning.

"Orange!" Devon and Drew sung in unison.

"Brown!" Bob and the King hummed, it sounded like some really crappy opra.

"Red..." Kratos began.

"Blue!" Yuan snapped.

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Would you just decide!" Joe snapped.

"Fine blue," Kratos huffed, with a stern look. Man, no matter what the situation he still had his odd personaility.

"Ok, here have these sexy wristbands to represnt your team color," Joe passed one out to each of the members. Yuan put his on easily but Kratos found it exremely hard.  
"You're supposed to put it on your wristband. Hence _wrist_ band."

"Oh he said wrist bands, I thought he said thr-" Kratos began, flushing a dark red.

"Stop while you're ahead," Yuan sighed.

"Let's go over the rules. Number one, no secret sex bouts during the competeion, and I mean that." He eyed Bob and The king suspiouscly. "Number Two: if you fail to complete a task, you are elimanted, and must suffer the shark tank of doom!"

"That's not part of the show..." Yuan began.

"Shush." Kratos quieted him.

"Number three: No other rules. Feel free to do whatever."

"Joe, I have a question." Kratos spoke, raising his hand.

"Yes?"

"Is licking against the rules?" Kratos asked timidly. Yuan starred blankly, wide eyes.

"No... why?"

"Just checking." Kratos eyed Yuan out of the corner of his eye with a mischevious look. Creepy, I think he might be the next Michael Jackson. Or the next... David Smith, you know on the ceral box, wholy shit! David on the ceral box! That'd be scarey.

"Ok, in the first task out of three, one member of the team must compete. Step forward now or be killed by pointy objects," Joe snickered.

Kratos, Devon, and Bob stepped forward uneasily.

"You're task will be to swim through a large pool of pudding while being molested by David Letterman!"

"What the heck kind of challenge is that!" Yuan blasted out. Kratos turned a deep scarlet.

"Now, undress!" Joe commanded. Inside Yuan's head, he mentally killed himself. First with a gun, then rocks, then limes. Limes gave him a alergic reaction, indeed.

"Kratos pull up your pants, your boxers are for my eyes only!" Yuan snarled.

"o.O This brings up the question... why am I dating older men?" Devon asked nervously.

"Does that mean your forfetting?" Joe asked with a grin.

"Never!" Devon spoke revealing his odd swimming outfit. He was dressed up like a huge goldfish. It's really creepy. Really really creepy. Bob, however, was wearing a speedo. Oh damn, it burns!

"Ok, go to your starting points!" Joe demanded eviliy. In his hands was a whip. Why he had a whip? Don't ask me, I'm just writing down what I see.

"You're going down, Kratos." Bob laughed eviliy taking his spot at the swimming pool starting line. Kratos glared back at him then uneasily sweated because he saw David Letterman swimming around the pool, dressed up as a shark, singing the Jaws Theme song, VERY loudly.

"You'll all perish before my sexy swimming skills." Devon cackled eviliy. (and the point I'm wondering is why I am putting Devon in a chapter dedicated to Andrea.. hmm, I knew they were a good couple)

"I am never going on a vacation again." Kratos pouted, which was so out of character for him! Bad oocness!

"On your mark!" Joe began but Bob coughed and rose his hand. "What?"

"I don't have a mark.." Bob spoke, winking towards David Letterman in the pool. Yuan watched from the sidelines, trying to avoid Drew Carey who was inching closer to him. Everytime he'd look away, he'd be closer. And closer.

"Anyways.. on your mark, get set." Joe began but Bob raised his hand again. "What now?"

"Get set for what?"

"To swim the damn race." Joe snapped, shaking his head unbelievabley.

"Good luck, Kratos." Yuan whispered from his position.

"On your marks, get set, GO!" And they were off!

Let's just say this race wasn't a pretty site. Cause like Devon was swimming like some wierd person while he sung a Mariah Carrey song (if Devon ever learns I'm bashing him this bad, he'll kill me). Bob was secretley enjoying the molesting part, dear lord, and kratos was swimming rapidly. He wasn't in the mood to be rear-ended.. at this moment.

Coming in first was Bob. How the hell. Second was Kratos.. and sadly third was Devon.

"But, I have fudge!" Devon yelled, as they all dried off and zapped into their clothes. He held up a big, delicious, enticing... scrumptious.. box of .. OH GOD DAMNIT, DEVON! GIVE ME THE FUDGE! "The author loves fudge." Devon lauged. (just for that I'm making Devon and Drew carey get zapped out of this competeon)

oddly, both Devon and Drew Carey magically vanished. Now was only one task left. It was between the King...and Yuan. And oddly Yuan began to have a bad mental image of the King, geting it on with Bob. How wrong is that? Why the heck do these thoughts go through my mind!

"Ok, gather round!" Joe called, adressing the competeors.

"Is it story time!" Bob squealed.

"Not exactly.." Joe answered, as each contestant took a seat.

"For this task you will each eat a very disguisting object." Joe declared. He Believe it or not, both members of the couples had to compete. So kratos and Bob have to do two tasks? Oh so unfair.

Anyways, they were all seated at a big table with silver lidded trays. Yuan uneasily glanced at Kratos who was eying his.

"Knowing this competeion, they'll make me eat Drew Carey's scab." Yuan sighed.

"For Yuan, he shall eat-" Joe unlifted the lid of Yuan's. And guess what was sitting there. Come on! Get involved reader! It was Drew Carey's scab!

"Drew Carey's Scab!"

"I feel bad for you," Kratos added in.

"Shut up.." Yuan sighed.

"Come on darling, why are you so shy." Bob all of a sudden said, stroking the king's chin. Ok... this is supposed to be a high rated T fic. Not some weird fic. Well, whatever.

"For Kratos, he shall eat-" Joe declared. Sitting on Kratos' plate was none other than the hair of Albert Einstein. Where do these people come up with this screwy tasks?

"Facial hair!" Joe grinned.

"At least it's not-" Yuan began but Kratos sent him an angry look.

"Bob shall eat-" Joe spoke walking over. He lifted Bob's lid and there sat a delicious looking steak. Hey wait a minute!

"That's not fair!" Yuan hollered, eyes watering from the steak.

"Oh screw a cow." Bob snickered.

"Don't mind if I do." A spectator said. Ok... moving on!

"And for the king, he shall eat-" Sitting on the King's plate was a delicious Burger King Whopper.

"This is brutal agony." Kratos sighed.

"Begin!"

Ok, as you guessed, it took Bob two minutes to eat his steak. Yuan, however, was finding it hard to eat a scab that came off Drew Carey. God knows what it is made out of! But he did eat it, just because he loves Kratos that much. Ngah.. Kratos, however, ate his hair he was given in two seconds. Yuan eyed him.

"Where did you learn to eat hair.." He was about to gag for several reasons.

"Didn't I tell you? I was a champion hair-eater back in the day." Kratos grinned proudly.

"That is so wrong." Yuan sighed.

Oddly, the King could not even take one bite of his whopper. So, you know what that means.

"And the winners of Fear Factor: Gay Men addition are none other than the married couple, Yuan and Kratos!"

Joe shoved a big trophy in front of Kratos. Kratos took it and waved to the few people who had gathered around to watch the show. Yuan, however, was gagging somewhere. He hated Drew Carey scabs, he really did.

As a congradtulatory victory meal thing, Kratos took Yuan out for a few rounds of beer. A few rounds turned into a few dozen, and a few dozen turned into thirty. How can they manage? Yuan banged his head against the table, drinking his thirth beer. Kratos, who was already drunk, and had been drunk, was riding the mechaincal pony that just so happened to be in the bar...

"Krattie!" Yuan squeaked. Kratos looked over and saw Yuan staggering towards him.

"Yesh, meh smexy Yuie?" Kratos asked innocentley, beginning to make out. Come on guys! This is like not good rated stuff. Save it for at home!

"I want you." Yuan squeaked.

"Let's go to the room." Kratos chimed.

"No please! Don't do anything." A poor old man yelled, as his eyes burned into scrambled eggs.

"Awwww, shut up you old fart!" Yuan squeaked, attempting to flip him off but ended up waving to him.

"Yuie, be nice to the local jellyfish," Kratos chimed in, placing a hand on Yuan's shoulder.

"Since when are we jellyfish?" Oprah Winfrey asked, popping out of nowhere.

"Since Spongebob said so," Yuan squeaked casually. How can anyone squeak casually? It goes against the laws of squeaking!

"And how does that make you feel?" Oprah asked, shoving a microphone into Yuan's face. However, he moved right before that, so the phone got shoved agains this ear.

"Krattie!" Yuan squeaked sadly. No further comment.

"Let go of meh smexy Yuie!" Kratos demanded, jumping on a mechanical bull and riding over to Oprah, carrying a huge jar of mustard.

"Not Mustard!" Oprah yelled in fear, dropping to her knees.

"Damn right it's mustard," Kratos chimed, dropped it all over her. Haha, teaches you a lesson Oprah. I mean.. we love you Oprah. Your shows rock. Eheh.

"Nooo, I'm melting!" And Oprah vanished.

"Ooooh Krattie. You saved meh," Yuan squeaked, jumping into his savior's arms.

"Are you ready for a drunken night, meh Yuie?" Kratos chimed, carrying him to the elevator.

"Yesh."

AN:

Oo I don't even want to know what they are capable of doing when they're both drunk and horney. I don't even want to know. And oh yea, there you go Andrea! Seeee, I told you I'd finish it. Well, remember, the short epilogue is coming up, which basically just ends off with them arriving back home, and turning back to their serious, boring selves. Hope you had fun with this fanficiton. I sure did..


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